Any Orthodox resources for those struggling to have a child?
I have been extremely grieved lately as I want a child so badly but it's not possible for us now, for multiple reasons. We are technically not infertile per se (I hope so at least) but I relate a lot to the grief and troubles of infertile women.
This grief is turning me into a worse person, or maybe it would be more accurate to say it is revealing how bad of a person I am. I am so jealous of others who have children when I should be happy for them. A child is a blessing from the Lord but I just see it as something I can't have. I am aware I am coveting something precious but I have no strength to change. I feel like a child myself.
Rationally I know the Lord wants me to take this pain and turn it into faith and penitence but instead I find in myself only bitterness. I am not a very good Christian and I find I usually know what I ought to do and yet I don't do it. I know I need to change my attitude but I don't know how.
If anyone else has been in this position, are there any Orthodox writings, sayings, etc that have consoled you, or at least gave you some guidance? Or, any women who have experience with this and would be willing to private message me that would be so kind.
Thank you.