So, this happened a few years ago when I was thirteen, but the mental scarring is still very much present.
My mom was going out for the night, and she told me I could sleep in her bed if I wanted to since it’s way comfier than mine. Around midnight, I decided to take her up on the offer. I brought the dog upstairs, brushed my teeth, changed into my pajamas, and hopped into her bed.
As I’m getting settled, I notice a small booklet sitting on the nightstand. Being a curious teenager, I picked it up. The title said something about a "vibrator toy."
Now, please keep in mind my "ripe" age and utter innocence at the time. My brain immediately went into logic-mode:
- It’s shaped kind of like a microphone? Clearly, it’s for karaoke.
- It vibrates? Obviously it's to help with muscle cramps.
I was genuinely convinced my mom had just bought some cool new wellness tech. To confirm my theory i searched on google.
The search results were… informative.
I didn't find a karaoke machine. I didn't find a medical device. I found out exactly what that "microphone" was for... I have never closed a browser tab faster in my entire life.
I spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling in total silence, traumatized. It’s been years, I’m older now, and she still has no idea I ever saw that booklet. We will be taking this secret to the grave.