u/Haunting-Train1828

I remember this song that I found randomly on either Spotify or Pandora (I can’t remember which) and I swear on everything it was called “IF” and had a album cover of the back of some guy, I can’t remember the artist for the life of me. The song was a satirical song about “What if Jesus was this or that” and the singers slowly become more scared of Jesus. My girlfriend says she remembers a video of some goth/punk dude singing the song but we can’t find that either. I remember some of the lyrics, such as “If Jesus was a Vampire he’d suck your f*cking blood, if Jesus was a Swamp Thing, he’d drown you in the mud.” and “I booby trapped my hallway, it’s just like home alone, except Joe Pesci’s omnipresent if he gets in your bones.” and “Now I’m terrified of Jesus, I haven’t slept in weeks, and if I so much as see his face I’ll sh*t my f*cking briefs“ I’ve been searching for it extensively for awhile now and just CANNOT find it, can I please have some help here??