My boyfriend got a very difficult diagnosis and I think he has completely shut down
Look I've been obsessed with attachment theory for years, I've sworn to avoid a certain attachment style until I met my boyfriend last year. He's complex, he carries trauma but he tries his best and he's self aware.
He just got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, however his identity previously has been shaped around exercise and physical strength and fitness. He hasn't been able to exercise since December. I recognised a big diagnosis like this would come as it seemed autoimmune in origin due to the constant inflammation and nothing really helps.
He received that diagnosis on Thursday. Now for a whole range of reasons, I did not show up perfectly on Thursday. I have a lot going on and honestly the thought of managing his chronic health condition scared the life out of me. I've recently been diagnosed with my own chronic illness and my dog has also been diagnosed with a chronic illness and is on a lot of medication I must manage. Now I apologised quite a lot as I recognised I messed up that night and should have just remained supportive and regulated myself.
On Friday he completely shut down, he said he was overwhelmed and stressed and just stopped responding to my messages. I gave space I informed him I didn't want to add to his stress. I heard nothing, I checked in Saturday early evening, I heard nothing back for a few hours... I did get a bit worried here and I called once, he didn't answer, I didn't push it. He got back to me that night and said he needed space to process everything and it wasn't his intention to make me feel ignored. I haven't heard a thing since...
What on earth is going on? I function very highly through stress and I'm just really struggling to understand. I understood a day or two... but now it's just so uncertain... it's really difficult.
He has been capable of repair before and has often initiated repair. I know he struggles, I know he's imperfect, as we all are.... but what is happening?