i feel mentally lower at home with my family
I'm 20F, just graduated college and moved back in with my family and I just feel suffocated and it's my own fault.
I love my mom and dad. I love my dog. But whenever I'm home I geniunely loathe living with my brother (24M) because I feel a deep sense of inferiority. He's always been the smart one, the know-it-all one, the practical one. When I'm home I feel like I'm back to being treated as the helpless, idiotic sister again and it destroys every ounce of self confidence I have left. I know its my increased sensitivity from all that's gone down in my life the past year (traumatic car accident, retinal detachment that landed me in the ER for a couple days, general stress of graduation) but I feel as though every joke or comment about me lately is about how stupid or clumsy I am. I resent being around my brother. I know its my own insecurities but being home I truly feel smaller.
I've told my mom about some of this, but it's so exhausting feeling as though I'll never be taken seriously or seen as a smart, independent, or capable person by my own family. I'm just hurting so bad but don't have the money or resources to move out yet. I feel both too old and beaten down to continue living with my family while also being too young to build a solid life for myself at this age. I don't know how I'm going to survive two more years of living here to finish my additional educational program.