feeling super burned out
hi guys, thanks for checking this post out. as the title implies, this post is gonna be a bit of a rant. i'm sure you guys have encountered numerous posts like this, so i'm incredibly sorry, but i really needed a place to just blurt out my thoughts and ask for advice 🙏
for a little bit of context, i'm a second-year cs major at a mid-tier US university. i've been applying to internships since my freshman year. during my freshman year, i applied to ~100 summer internships and received 1 interview. didn't do as well as i hoped and didn't receive an offer. during my second year, i applied to around ~200 internships, received a last-minute interview from a company i REALLY wanted to intern at in april, but completely flunked it and didn't get the offer. i did an unpaid internship throughout my second year and have another unpaid internship lined up for the summer.
i'm aware these numbers are rookie numbers. i've heard of people applying to many more internships, so that's on me. i'm also aware that there's this pattern of me getting a last-minute technical interview that i just can't crack -- there's clearly a gap in my technical skills.
i'm feeling a lot of things right now. regarding my skills, i don't have any confidence.
regarding leetcode specifically, there have been periods where i've done leetcode everyday, but they often end in weeks without any leetcode practice. there's just this on and off, and i seem to be unable to leetcode daily for months on end. i don't feel like i'm improving, it seems like my mind is unable to think a certain way, i get so demotivated, and so i end up taking a huge "break". i'm aware this is a problem, and i'm really not sure how to fix it.
regarding internships, it just feels like i'm super behind. it's like everytime i go on linkedin, i see posts from my high school classmates and from my college peers about their amazing internships, while i'm just jumping from one unpaid internship to another one. it feels like everyone has stuff going for them but me. i'm aware that there's a bunch of other people who are older than me in more unfortunate positions, but it just gets really hard to not think like i'm the only one behind.
i just don't know what to do. i'm trying to build a personal project. it was going well at the start, but i'm starting to lose motivation and haven't touched it in almost 2 weeks. i'm trying to leetcode daily, but again, there's just this on and off that i feel is inevitable. i just wish i had it going for me. i feel like i'm getting those opportunities to prove myself (like those 2 technical interviews, i know 2's not a lot, but it's more than 0), but i just can't get anywhere. i just can't get to where other people are. and rightfully so. i don't think i'm putting nearly as much effort as i should, but i just feel so so so demotivated and helpless.
pls help. i'm feeling pretty down, and would greatly appreciate any advice to improve my chances or even just to improve my morale.
thank you so much for reading, have a great rest of your day :)