I feel like my sex life is one-sided and it’s starting to get to me. We've been together for almost a year, and in that time I've never even come close to orgasming. I can orgasm on my own, but now I don’t even feel spontaneously turned on most of the time. Today was actually an exception, which is why I’m writing this. I felt horny, initiated things, we made out, I went down on him… and once he finished, that was it. He got cleaned up and I went to bed unsatisfied.
He never really initiates anything focused on me either. I’ve brought it up, and he said he would if I asked, but I don’t want to have to ask every time. I want him to actually want to!! He has offered to use his hands or go down on me, but honestly he's not very good at either and I don’t even know how to guide him properly because I have no idea what I like in bed (he’s my first everything). We even tried bringing vibrators into it, thinking it might help, but that felt awkward and didn’t fix anything. Apparently his exes were not climaxing either but that just wasn't a topic in their relationship.
At some point I started wondering if maybe I’m just someone who won’t ever orgasm with a partner, but that thought is making me sad. I’m in my early 20s, I feel like my life shouldn't be like this just yet. Sometimes it even makes me tear up, and then I feel guilty for feeling that way.
I’m not on any medication that would affect my libido. I’ve communicated all of this, but I’m not seeing any real change, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know if this is something that can improve with time and effort, or if I’m ignoring a bigger issue. I just know I’m starting to feel really disconnected and frustrated. So what now??