She rented out my childhood home.
Had a pretty brutal breakup little over three months ago. I had fallen into a deep depression over the past couple of years and quit my job emotionally, I had become very unhealthy physically and emotionally. She let me know how little she thought of me on the way out. When things were going well we had talked about moving to my childhood hometown in Minnesota, a beautiful town on the Mississippi.
After forgetting one day to take my antidepressants this past week I had a pretty horrible dream, at least to me.
We are not talking and have not seen eachother in a few months, though a friend of mine told me she had a new guy move in within a couple of months after the breakup.
In the dream she had contacted me about something she needed from me, paperwork or something trivial as such, but suddenly I was in that town.
My nerves were on fire, I didnt know what to expect when I finally saw her again. When I arrived at "her place" it turned out to be my childhood home, that yellow house.
As I stepped inside, coming in from the back door leading directly to the kitchen I was greeted by several unknown people moving about, cooking or cleaning and conversing, paying me no mind as loud music played through what was once my home.
In what seemed like only a momment I thought I had seen her from the corner of my eye in the dining room, moving quickly towards the living room and front door. Her dark brown and greying hair flowing and shifting as she moved. I moved quickly from the kitchen to the dining room to meet her.
However, when I reached the dining room and looked towards the place I thought she would be, she wasnt there. Just a non descript man standing there in the dining room, he wasnt threatening or even that handsome. Just a basic guy, but I remember knowing it was her new guy. He said something though I dont remember what it was as I quickly left out the same door I came in.
She had rented out my childhood home, in the town we dreamed of moving to together, to her new man and his friends. She had not only said no to our dream of being together, she had given it away to someone else. It was devastating to me.
I think the lesson I will take from this is to stop living in my own dream world as I often have in my life, and what she had warned against in the beginning of our relationship. To have the things we want we must take action in the day, while the sun is up. My favorite quote from my childhood rings loud now.
"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake up in the day to find it was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible."
T.E. Lawrence