‘Getting over’ special interest — advice
Hello! My apologies if this is the incorrect sub for this but I would love to hear the advice and perspective of other autistic adults.
You can call me Gabe. I’m 22 years old and high masking, low support needs autistic. I was told a couple years ago that I didn’t meet diagnostic criteria when I was evaluated, but this is because I looked up the questionnaire questions and prepared my answers (my mom made me get tested and I didn’t ’want to’ be labeled as autistic). I was re-evaluated recently after working with my therapist on unmasking and better understanding myself and I was confirmed to be on the autism spectrum.
I have liked music for as long as I can remember, and I have had a myriad of special interests throughout my life relating to music and theater. At this point in my life, I have a very intense special interest in the broadway musical Spring Awakening by Steven Sater and Duncan Shiek. I will spare you all the details as to why I love it so much, but it is so meaningful to me and I watch it at least once a day, have 6 copies of the script of the musical and original 1891 play in multiple languages, and I actually have a tattoo of Moritz, one of my favorite characters.
As a whole, broadway shows and theater in general has been my most influential and long-lasting special interest. It’s something I have grown to love since high school, and now I have this problem where the time i feel truly ‘alive’ is when I am performing in shows or listening to shows. When I look towards my future, the only thing that I think would fulfill me entirely would be performing. I do not show emotion (ever) around other people, but every time i see a broadway show i break down into tears, partly because i am so overwhelmed with joy and also because i feel such a profound sadness in mourning the fact that I am not succeeding in this career.
Although it is my dream more than anything to perform on broadway professionally, I know that this goal is very unlikely. I am a 4.0 student at a prestigious university in the US, currently studying psychology and French language. I graduate next year, and I am already working in research labs and working a second job at a coffee shop. I enjoy school and work, but as i near grad school I’m realizing that it doesn’t feel meaningful and it will likely never feel as meaningful as performing does. And my opportunities to do so keep diminishing as i grow older.
So i guess I’m just looking for advice or consolation from others that my life not revolving around my special interest can still be fulfilling, or that there is still a change to change my path. Sorry for the rambling.
Thanks for reading!