Evangelistic "burnout"?
When atheist friends scoff at you (or the Bible or God), and you forbear regardless (and even try to lovingly confront their false beliefs or defend the Bible's reliability) out of love for them and also love for God, how do you go on when you run out of energy?
I find myself either winsome but twisting truth (whether about myself or the gospel) or either standing firmly doctrinally but diffident (and have to fight myself from slipping into being ashamed of the gospel or doubting God's existence).
I used to be able to juggle both, but maybe because I've come across so much scoffing over the years I sometimes lose my marbles or confidence over a slight twitch or an irritable comment from my friends.
I keep having to backtrack my comments and correct myself, often to their dismay (because they thought, at a previous moment, that I was "on their side" on an issue).
Lately, my words are not coming out right. It's not fear of man, not exactly. But i have this irrational fear of saying the wrong thing, and it somehow makes things worse sometimes.
There was a time when i knew less theology and less vocabulary. My words came out way more sincerely and smoothly, and it seems like I've lost my "mojo" and thick skin. Have you had this happen to you?
Although I can't stand the thought of my friends being condemned to hell, I also can't stand their scoffing like I used to. I've lost my "tough skin." The more time i spend with other believers, i am reminded of what my other friends are missing out on and it hurts. I feel very stuck.