u/Good-Pear-1267

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Yes, it's awfully rich to hear that from the guy who cheated on her. But remember in Total Drama, Drama, Drama, Drama Island when he wrestled an alligator for her, only for her to abandon him in the woods when he injured his ankle so she could take the million for herself? Remember in Dial M for Merger when she held the entire cast hostage -- Duncan included -- and made them all promise to share their hypothetical winnings with her before agreeing to save them from the impending explosion?

If I were competing alongside her, I wouldn't trust Courtney as far as Harold can throw a dodgeball. She's proven that whatever obligations she may have to others will always be secondary to getting what she wants.

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This is not entirely representative of my own personal opinions. I'm just trying to guess what Chris thinks.

Sea Shanty is in the top 3 because it celebrates Chris's home, A Chinese Lesson because it features Chris himself singing, and Her Real Name Isn't Blaineley because it dunks on Blaineley.

Paris in the Springtime would be lower except that "Cody broke my heart and chewed it up and spit it out and then stepped on it and threw it down a sewer and called it names and then laughed."

Oh My Izzy would be lower if it didn't mention Owen getting hurt so frequently.

I'm Sorry is too sappy for Chris's tastes, and Blainerific is too Blaineley-centric to be anywhere but the bottom tier.

The hard part of this list was figuring out which songs to put in Okay Tier and which ones to put in Weak Tier. Let me know in the comments if you think any of the ones in those two tiers are in the wrong place. (You can criticize the placement of songs in the other tiers too if you like, you'll just be wrong.)

This list is highly subjective, obviously. You're welcome to let me know in the comments how your ranking would differ from mine.

Act like a chicken in front of a chicken while wearing a chicken hat. I'd do that for free.

Drink a blended puree of Chef's mystery meat. I'm a pretty picky eater in some ways, but meat is meat, and if it's been blended then the texture should be fine. Whatever Chef makes can't be any worse for my body than fast food chicken nuggets.

Eat dog foot. I've actually done this before. Legally, dog food must be fit for human consumption. It's just extremely hard to chew.

Now, the dog food presented to Owen for this dare is less appetizing than the normal kind. It has a bone sticking out of it. However, if you pay attention, Owen doesn't eat the bone. Clearly, cleaning the entire plate isn't required.

Honestly, my biggest reservation with this one is the lack of a fork or spoon provided.

Chew your own toenail slowly. The hardest part of this for me would be letting Chef clip one of my toenails to chew. I'm extremely ticklish.

Have your head shaved by Chef. I don't love getting my hair cut, but over the years I've learned to sit still and let it happen. My hair isn't as important to me as Heather's is to her, and I'd happily part with it if it meant a fifty-fifty chance of winning one hundred thousand dollars. Plus, Chef isn't using a chainsaw this time, which removes the danger element.

Dress up like a baby and suck on a pacifier. Very embarrassing, but not dangerous, difficult, painful, or gross.

Slap yourself repeatedly in the face.

Perform in a puppet show wherein you have to kiss a sock puppet made from Chef's sock.

Drop a tray of ice into your undies and let 'em melt. I might have more trouble with this one than the average person (I'm particularly sensitive to touch), but I think I could do it.

Re-chew a wad of Harold's gum. It's old gum that doesn't appear to still be wet from saliva, or to have bits of dirt or hair stuck to it. That would make it easier to ignore the grossness for a brief moment, which is all I'd need.

Drink grape jelly out of Owen's belly button.

Kiss a dead fish. At least, I think that's what this dare is. We don't actually see what Gwen does with the fish. I'm ranking it a bit higher than I might otherwise due to the uncertainty.

Have Chef force-feed you eggs, or something. This is another one that's pretty unclear, which is why I'm ranking it so high.

Lick Owen's armpit.

Drink powdered fruit punch from the communal toilet.

Lick Owen's toe jam. This is the worst one that I think I might be able to do. If I'm in this situation, then a series of miracles must have happened to let me get into the final three of the season. If I've gotten this far, then I'm putting everything I've got left in the tank into winning. I would probably still throw up, though.

Fight an alligator underwater. Now, this specific alligator appears to be a very slow, docile one. It isn't fighting back. However, personally, I'm still not risking it.

Have a bucket of pig manure dumped on your head, before being fired out of a cannon into a larger pile of pig manure. Though it could be that the brown substance is just dirt and not pig manure, in which case it can probably be moved down a few notches.

Wear bees on your face like a beard for a certain amount of time. No idea how long, as the hands on Chris's stopwatch aren't moving, but any amount of time would be unbearable for me.

Swim in a kiddie pool filled with leeches. Now, when I say "filled with leeches," I don't mean in the way that people say "oh, that lake is filled with leeches." I mean there's literally no water in the pool, just leeches. And that makes a pretty substantial difference from dipping in a barrel of water that contains some leeches.

Eat a live cockroach. This one won't kill you, but I think I might actually rather die than try this. I really haven't been giving enough credit to Heather for her eating challenge prowess.

Walk a tightrope across shark-infested waters while carrying a bunch of steaks.

Give a purple nurple to a sleeping bear. This one will lead to immediate death for anyone who isn't in a cartoon.

I'm not gonna lie, it's very on-brand that the worst dare is Izzy's.

Here's my tentative ranking:

15. New-Age Music Torture

Obviously the most manageable torture in this episode is listening to new-age music. Don't threaten me with a good time, man!

Side note: Gwen almost certainly could've beaten both Eva and Leshawna in this challenge if the writers hadn't gone for the "haha, goth girl hates girly hippie music" joke. This kind of challenge is her bread and butter.

14. Ice Cream Brain Freeze

I've gotten brain freezes before. I think I can handle it.

The only issue with this one is the potential for being cheated. For some reason Owen's timer stopped at six seconds, before he even indicated that the pain had registered. His screaming should also not have been a disqualifier, since Duncan screamed during his torture and he still passed it. Screaming in pain isn't necessarily saying "uncle."

13. Lake Leeches

The kind of leeches found in Ontario are not dangerous. They're unlikely to transmit diseases to humans, and supposedly their bites don't hurt at all because they numb the skin first.

I considered whether Geoff's reaction indicates that these aren't normal leeches, but I don't think so. Geoff has a history of overreacting to minor injuries. I think that's what happened here. And even he came ridiculously close to lasting the required ten seconds.

12. Skunk Jump

This one's as much about balance as it is about pain tolerance. You have to hop from rock to rock without falling down, and there are skunks in-between the rocks.

The rocks don't look too difficult to balance on, and they only look to be about two feet apart, so the average person should find this doable.

Plus, here's no guarantee that the skunks will spray you. They only have a limited amount of spray, so they usually only use it if they think their life is threatened -- and if they thought that, then their first resort would be running away instead of standing still in-between the rocks in full view of a bunch of humans, so they're probably pretty chill. Just move carefully.

11. Marshmallow Waxing

Now we start getting into the ones where the pain is unavoidable. From here on, all of the tortures are ones that I myself would definitely fail.

Chris says he's going to wax every part of Lindsay's body, probably in an attempt to freak her out, but instead they only do her face.

10. Nose Hair Plucking

Ouch! But at least having your nose hairs plucked isn't dangerous. All the rest of the top 10 have an element of danger.

9. Bee Jacket

This one's more about tolerating fear and discomfort than pain. You have to let a swarm of bees cover your chest and arms like a jacket. If you're a stone-cold badass like Bridgette, you may be able to stay still enough that none of the bees sting you. But if you panic, as I would, then you're in for a rough time. Fortunately, the stings are unlikely to kill you unless you're allergic.

Also, none of the time where they put the bees on you counts toward the ten seconds. The timer only starts after all of the bees are on you, which is some BS.

8. Wawanakwa Hair Salon

Chef cuts your hair with a chainsaw. Not sure how the timing works here.

This one really comes down to: can you stay perfectly still with a revving chainsaw close to your face? If yes, then you're good. If not, then this challenge could become very deadly very quickly.

7. Wooden Shorts

You have to put on shorts made of wood and then let a woodpecker peck at the wood.

This is definitely going to lead to bleeding holes in the flesh of your legs. Fortunately, keeping the woodpecker away from the groin area should be doable, and the injuries sustained are very unlikely to kill you.

6. Constricted By a Snake

First of all, it's not totally clear whether this snake is actually a constrictor snake. It has fangs and closely resembles a rattlesnake seen in several other episodes, except it's longer and doesn't have a rattle on the end of its tail.

If it's not a constrictor snake, then there's no danger. No snake that isn't specialized for it can kill a nearly-full-grown human without biting. Even if it does bite you, since this is happening on camera, there'll be plenty of time to get you to the medics.

If it is a proper constrictor snake, then there's IMMENSE danger. Kind of. The good news is that you only have to last six seconds to pass -- because after six seconds of having your circulation cut off you'll be unconscious and therefore unable to say "uncle." Unless Chris decides that passing out is a form of saying "uncle," which he might do.

If we assume that Chris and Chef have some means of quickly removing the snake from you -- which they must have, since DJ survived -- then you'll probably survive this.

5. Poison Ivy Spa Treatment

This one should probably be lower, since unless you're allergic or you ingest some of it by accident, you won't die. But it just sounds so awful.

4. Grizzly Bear Log Roll

A log-rolling competition against Molotov the Bear (allegedly the log-rolling champion of Europe for twelve years, a claim which I find dubious for several reasons) over piranha-filled water.

If you're quick enough on your feet, this one might not even hurt. You only need to last ten seconds.

The piranhas are the issue. Real-world piranhas aren't actually all that dangerous. However, these ones seem like they might be. They bite all of Molotov's hair off in less than two seconds. Molotov doesn't appear to have any bites taken out of his flesh, so maybe they're only interested in eating hair and clothing. I wouldn't bet on it, though.

3. Electric Eel Shock Therapy

An encounter with a single electric eel typically isn't fatal for a healthy adult human. However, in this case Chef is zapping you through direct skin-to-skin contact with two eels at once for multiple second at a time. The pain not being constant for the full ten seconds is good, but there is still a very serious risk of heart failure here.

2. Turtle Slapshots

Listen, man, snapping turtles are no joke. Sure, the odds of Duncan dying here were low to nonexistent. But it's genuinely a miracle that he didn't lose any fingers in this challenge. And losing even one finger can hinder your ability to do stuff with your hands for the rest of your life.

1. Share a Crate With Sasquatchanakwa

This thing is twice the size of a gorilla. Your face is eye level with its groin. There's little room to maneuver in the crate. At best, both of your feet will be crushed beneath its stompers. At worst, you'll be dead.

Which tortures do you think you could handle, and which ones would break you? Let me know in the comments.

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I left some contestants off the tier list because they're tricky to fit into these boxes.

Let me know who you think I got wrong in the comments.

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Couple things. First off, this tier list is specifically about physical strength -- not fighting skills or other forms of awesomeness.

Secondly, what do I mean by base strength? I mean no adrenaline boosts or one-off gags. This is about how strong I think the characters are under normal circumstances. For example, Courtney has many superhuman strength feats, but that's because this show's universe gives women enormous stat boosts when they're angry (and Courtney is almost always angry). Right now I'm operating under the assumption that those feats are not indicative of her default abilities.

Thirdly, I made this in five minutes, so half of the placements are probably way off. Feel free to argue in the comments.