u/GoldenFields5566

Worked all through the night for Uni work, relapsed badly the following morning. Will follow up on this later cuz I am so tired

Skipped logging but last 2 days were pretty clean, read bible daily but forgot to pray one day so streak is down again, helped homeless dude yesterday, but today been dealing with temptation, I hate those subreddits like r/peterexplainsthejoke that show up on feed when 95% of the time the joke is "haha p*rn pls laugh", like I saw a post earlier where there wasn't a joke it was just p*rn bait. Like "Images taken before disaster" when its just a ss from a p*rno and they're linking it in the comments, one such link I clicked but it was blocked thankfully cuz I set up restrictions, but no seek streak is now 0 as a result. Been dealing with a lost of lustful thoughts and did beat it a tiny bit, long enough for it to count as masturbation so that streak is now 0.

Still no P or O.

Not a great day so far, documenting now so I don't get tempted later:

Pure (no PMO): 0

No P: 2 day
No M: 0 day
No O: 2 day

Helped Someone: 1 (day isn't over yet)

No seek: 0 day

20 Minutes Bible study & prayer: 1 day

Sunday Service: 2 Weeks

Daily quotes noted: 0 Been forgetting to log quotes recently

Finally went a whole day without any PMO, and successfully resisted the inkling to go looking for something lustful. Though I sinned in other ways, felt an overwhelming sense of bitterness and self-loathing throughout the day.

I have multiple streaks I am monitoring currently:

Pure (no PMO): 1 day

Sometimes I do one but not the other, so I also track each individually

No P: 1 day
No M: 1 day
No O: 1 day

Help Someone: 0 (usually going out of my way to help someone like encouraging a lukewarm Christian to be more virtuous or feeding a homeless person, was unable to get anything like that done today)

No seek: 1 day (what I mentioned earlier, you relapse the moment you entertain the inkling)

20 Minutes Bible study & prayer: 7 days

Sunday Service: 2 Weeks

Daily quotes noted: 2 (Matthew 5:29-30 & Romans 2:2 NIV)

Basically I vibe-coded a user interface to track all these streaks (effectively gamifying them) but I feel guilty about it, because intention matters a lot, and while it does keep me consistent I feel like I am doing it for the wrong reasons, chasing digital points rather than doing it from a place of sincerity in my faith. I ponder if that constitutes as idolatry.

Also found an in-person friend to help me stay committed, because again lust is not something I can fight alone.

I mislabelled the last post as day -1 but that works out fine because I also messed up today, full pmo relapse at the same time after my shift and it was even worse this time, in fact I had to cancel plans to meet someone.

I am backsliding far far back, I haven’t felt this spiritually weak in years.

Perhaps one of the most pathetic things I have done recently. It reminds me, I made a post asking people to join a small GC to help each other stay committed but a member used it to vent about mental health issues in very inappropriate descriptive ways so I had to remove them and I stopped running the GC after that, but I once again realise I can’t do this alone. I am currently feeling something worse than guilt, indifference.

I need help. I overestimated how well I would be able to handle this, I went almost 3 weeks squeaky clean and now I have relapsed two days in a row.

Bad relapse earlier, so I am starting daily journals. I will keep this short and only related to nofap, tho I don’t feel like detailing the circumstances of my last relapse.

From 11:30am GMT, I am gonna go again and this time actually take it seriously.

No P, M or O.

Also if you have any recommendations of additional tools/techniques you use please share them in comments