u/Glittering-Eye9110

part of my onboarding was a presentation to my new team about my background, my approach, and what i was hoping to build in the role. maybe twenty people. my manager told me about it on monday, presentation was friday.i spent thursday evening putting together a solid deck. knew what i was going to say for every slide. felt genuinely prepared going to bed.got on the call friday. screen sharing, everyone watching, and just. the words weren't where i left them. jumped ahead two slides without meaning to. repeated myself on a point. forgot to explain the most interesting part of my background which was literally the whole reason i was hired.my manager said it was great afterwards which was kind. it was not great.the prep was there. the knowledge was there. something about the spotlight of being new and wanting to set the right tone just evaporated everything when it mattered. does this get better as you settle in.

most people think that unemployment means free time but in reality it feels the opposite sometimes.

like when you’re resting, your mind is still running in the background:you should be applying right now, someone else is probably getting ahead, what if you’re wasting too much time.

and the worst part is how invisible the stress looks from outside. you could be sitting quietly at home while mentally calculating money, checking emails every hour, overthinking old interviews, wondering if recruiters even saw your application.

And after a point the exhaustion stops being physical. it just sits in your head all day.

i don’t think people talk enough about how psychologically weird job hunting becomes after a few months.