u/Glittering-City9431

Hi all I’m looking for some perspective and support.
A close family member (late 50s) has Chiari malformation and recently had a pretty concerning episode. They woke up confused, didn’t recognize close family at first, and had trouble remembering things (including names of people they’ve known for years). They eventually came back to baseline, but were still groggy and a little off for a while.
This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, but they consistently refuse to get medically evaluated.
There are also some larger challenges hoarding tendencies and a general pattern of avoiding things that need to be addressed, especially when it comes to health. It makes it really hard to know how to help without overstepping.
I’m also in a vulnerable position personally. I’m marrying into this family and trying to get my bearings around these dynamics, and I may potentially be pregnant. It’s honestly making me feel scared and unsure of how to navigate all of this responsibly. I want to be supportive and present for my partner with their sick parent.
On top of that, this person is responsible for another family member who lives in a group home, and my fiancé and I will likely be taking on that responsibility as well, which adds another layer of stress and urgency.
Part of what’s making this harder is that some of these behaviors and memory issues feel like they could overlap with early cognitive decline (like early dementia), but I don’t know if that’s something others have seen with Chiari or if I’m overthinking it.
I’m not seeking medical advice, but I would really appreciate support and hearing from others who may have dealt with something similar either with Chiari or with a loved one who refuses care.
I feel stuck between respecting their autonomy and being genuinely worried about their safety.
Any insight or shared experiences would mean a lot. Thank you.