Guy who SA’d me got both legs amputated and I don’t have any remorse.
TW*** mentions of SA
The backstory:
At the beginning of last year my husband and I separated (we ended up being able to reconcile in September/October) and I started seeing this guy, we will call him G.
We would sleep together but also spent time going places like the park, or just walking around. G spent the night one night, and I told him “I’m going to bed, goodnight.” This apparently was not good enough for him, and without going into details- I was assaulted.
I texted my little sister asking her to call me with a fake emergency so I could leave. I didn’t know what to do and I was in full panic mode so I went to my husband’s and told him everything and broke down.
I have a history of being SA’d because my childhood wasn’t the most stellar but for some reason when G said sorry and he “didn’t know I wasn’t into it” (despite clear indicators and my initial request to SLEEP) I took that as a solid apology.
I eventually was able to cut ties when my therapist asked me why I felt the need to invalidate my trauma for the comfort of other people, after I complained of nightmares.
I never reported it because other instances of assault I have reported never were followed up on and I knew this would be no different.
Husband and I were able to reconcile our marriage after some communication and therapy (still ongoing) though my nightmares would cause me to get violent and wake him.
On to now:
I haven’t heard from G in months. He got blocked and I don’t run in the same circles as him. I’ve been going to therapy and fighting to get back my sense of safety in the world.
Someone who is friends with G also works with my husband. Small town news travels and so my husband found out and told me that G got both of his legs amputated.
When I found out I laughed.
I haven’t had nightmares about him since.
I had a very religious family member tell me I was wrong for my reaction and was told to forgive G.
I refuse.
I wholly believe this is what G deserves and feel like for once in my life that justice has been done.
And I don’t feel bad about that.
EDIT TO ADD:
I didn’t leave my husband for G. I left him because our relationship became mutually toxic. He cheated. I didn’t want to come home until we both had received individual and couples therapy, had taken time to be our own people again, and his drinking (which had become a problem) had lessened. I left for me, and when we and our therapist felt we could live together and continue working on our problems, I moved back home.
No idea why G’s legs were amputated, I never got any details on that and me nor my husband asked.
When I say I don’t feel remorse it’s not because I am responsible for G’s amputation, but rather because of the perceived wrong that was my gleeful reaction.
For those saying they feel bad for my husband, he is pretty happy now that we are working toward being a cohesive family unit, and having a frybread hookup again 🤣
Thank you for all the encouraging, funny, and supportive responses.
I wish karma and justice to everyone who has dealt with abuse at the hands of others.