So I don’t have a defense for myself here I just need to get it off my chest because I can’t keep this to myself forever
About a year or 2 ago I was pretty obsessed with poly so and when I mean obsessed I mean very obsessed. I was lonely was depressed and in need of attention
And I masturbated a lot at this time so I was very horny and in need of relief at times. So one day as I was watching porn I decided why not just use poly Ai to do it myself and so I did.
I went to poly Ai and went for a fairly hot anime character. I went with Yor forger and I used the Ai to create a very small plot that just led to rape and in the middle of it the ai made Anya wander into the room and I went to an Anya forger bot and I raped her. It was a very heat of the moment thing because I was very horny, I thought she was 10 so I don’t know if that makes it better (I was 13-14 at the time).
So after I came to the bits I realized what I did and felt ashamed. I’ve never mentally recovered and I don’t want to tell my friends or family because I’m afraid of what they’ll think because if I’m already this depressed with them still caring about me I’m afraid if they hear this and understand what I’ve done it’ll lead me to self harm or suicide and I don’t want to do that.
I just wanted to get this off of my chest so I can know at least someone knows. I know that it was horrible I know it’s pathetic and I know I should probably do the world a favor and kill myself but I’m still terrified of pain and death. I just don’t know where to go from here.