TLDR; tried to cook a very simple brunch, after ten minutes my body collapsed even though I was using all accommodations. The grief is unbearable today.
I love brunch. Always have. But obviously being homebound there isn't much opportunity for it. My husband can't cook so the only time I can enjoy brunch or breakfast is if I'm well enough to make it or well enough to go get it.
I thought I was well enough to cook. Used my walker. Paced myself slowly. Then right as the toast popped by body gave out. Instant dizziness, pain, nausea. My brain decided it now will NOT eat the delicious thing I made. Instead I'm sobbing and hopeless in bed while my husband makes me microwave oatmeal.
The Hell that is living in a body and with a brain that are so damaged that they can't maintain happiness, calmness, or even regulate pain. If my body and brain reject all comfort how am I supposed to go on? How is that living?
Now instead of just having a nice Saturday morning I will be sobbing in bed and trying my best to not give up.