I’m so glad and shocked to be here.
My 6 YO daughter’s OCD whiplashed us into a head-spin when she was 4. It has been excruciating ever since.
However in a recent development she began having these episodes of hyperactive swearing, pretending to have a penis with various long objects and screaming, calling me some expletive on a loop. At first I was so shocked and scared. It was like she was in a trance. When it first happened and I couldn’t snap her out of it I started saying “follow mamas voice”. She meandered while screaming and throwing a bag of chips everywhere but ended up in my arms. I held her like a giant newborn… shushing her whilst bouncing. She talked about these “pimply” intrusive thoughts morphing. It sounded like a horrid acid trip. My heart was broken.
After a couple internet digs I feared the worst- she had inherited my ADHD. It was a diagnosis I got 20 years ago and have ignored ever since. But the more I educate myself, the dumber I feel. This whole time her constant deafening tantrums, inability to find anything or regulate wasn’t JUST OCD?
Tonight I came home to my husband crying because after an intergalactic, defcon negative 1 meltdown she had fizzled out and asked my husband what he loved. He said her and his family. She asked if he loved his parents, he replied yes. She said “then great I’m gonna kill them and myself.” He started crying in front of her which had ignited some greater self awareness about the pain her statement brought. It left him devastated, confused but also struck by her brilliant self reflection.
Parenting her has been akin to living on a flaming belt sander that I can’t seem to unplug. When I didn’t think it could get any harder, reality said hold my beer.
My tank is empty and every morning I am bracing. This new layer might break my bandwidth.
Her counselor (free so not great but better than nothing) was a step ahead and suggested an ADHD eval and potentially discussing medication…something I had a hard time with (stimulants) when I was diagnosed and my husband had an adverse reaction as well (SSRIs).
I sorta want to sell everything and go live on a mountain because society’s scaffolding is already an uphill boulder pushing parade in the rain. Nothing is conducive to how it should be. Especially an ADHD mom and her OCD ADHD babe.
I’m looking for a micron of support. And eternally grateful for it. Does anyone share the pain of the intense taboo/swearing episodes? What about full blown OCD with ADHD? Do I pause pruning accommodations because of her inability to regulate? An affordable mountain range to start scoping out?
I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of time navigating the complicated OCD realm… any narrowed down ADHD resources are a godsend.