I don't know if being a mother itself is hard or being a mother to you is hard. I seem to be having the worst experience of all.
I don't want to resent you. I don't want to be a toxic mom but a part of me is so angry. Angry about how you are. Angry that you're not like any other child who can eat normally. It's consuming me and I'm exhausted. If I could jump off the building, I would. It's eating me up and taking the whole of me. I want to rip my heart out and watch it bleed. I try every fucking day for everything to be good for you but why does everything turn out bad?
All my efforts go down the drain. So I'm not okay. Did I ask for this child? No. Did I keep it? Yes. So technically it's my own choice? Yes. Do I regret this choice? Not going to lie, most parts of me say yes.