I'm struggling so often with the emotional component of losing. I just cracked 1500 Lichess rapid. I've upped my puzzle work 10-fold, I learned some endgame stuff, and I've been messing with some chessable openings (not too deeply), but it's like I've forgotten how to play. I'm back to blundering pieces most games. Frustration absolutely takes over. I feel like I have 3 kinds of games:
- The algorithm takes pity on me, pairs me with someone who is playing like they are 300 elo and the win is completely unsatisfying. Lately even here I'll be up a queen and miss mate in 1, blunder my pieces, and have to fight to promote a pawn up and squeeze by.
- I spend way too much time on development, every move trying to develop a plan but inevitably just making a clueless move that seems active, hunting for tactics and never finding any. I'll stare for minutes on like move 7, move, and hang a piece.
- My slow pace may initially gain me an advantage, even +5, but I'll have no idea whatsoever how to handle the middlegame and I'll throw it away. I'll shuffle pieces and get squeezed.
I know that this struggle is very related to the fact that I just recently switched from Caro Kann to e5 and switched white openings, too. I've also been playing lots of blitz for the first time since I was getting tired of spending so much time in a 15+10 that was lost 20 moves ago. So of course I will be losing a lot. This is so hard to feel obsessed with chess while also dreading playing games.