Hi all,
I have contributed to this thread in the past on several throwaway accounts, but wanted to share my story/situation mainly for journaling purposes. I will probably delete, just want a place to write my thoughts down. Let me preface this by saying I was not in a toxic relationship of any kind. No abuse, physical or verbal. If you are in an abusive relationship, you need to run and never look back.
28M here. My ex and I broke up just a little over 4 years ago. We were friends before we dated, dated in college, and then broke up maybe 6-7 months after I graduated. The distance between us wasn't working.
She was still finishing up school, I had moved home a long ways away and was just entering the workforce. I didn't know what I was going to do for work, neither did she. We didn't know if/where we were going to live together. I had toyed with the idea of moving, but that made me anxious as the job market where she was is nothing like the city I lived in.
I stayed in my home city and she stayed back in school, and we eventually broke up. We never really stopped loving each other, but the situation just wasn't working.
Fast forward 4 years later. Our lives are very different now, but we are both doing so well, and I am really proud of both of us. We both have good steady incomes, good family, good friends, good hobbies. I really do think that the breakup was the best thing that could have happened for both of us, as much as it sucked.
We have talked very sparingly over the last 4 years. Maybe heard from each other 4-5 times (always her reaching out; I never have). I think at one point we went about a year and a half without speaking, mainly because I wasn't recovering properly and I pretty much had to cut her off.
Now, last year in September she actually reached out and wanted to see me when she was in town. My heart sank. All that progress, moving on and doing other things, felt completely wasted. It almost felt like day 1 of the breakup again. I gave it a few hours before I responded. Called my family, talked to them about it, and I eventually agreed to see her.
We went out and got some apps and drinks, caught up on 4 years of life, told stories, laughed. We really have great chemistry and there is a reason we were together. We went our separate ways and didn't speak again for another 8 months.
Well, she was back in town and reached out last week, and we went out again. We had a blast as always. It felt different this time. I wasn't as nervous since this was our second time seeing each other, and it just felt different. We may not speak again for another few months, and I am still dating around with other people. But man, she really has a hold on me. I feel like it will be difficult to find someone who gets me the way that she does. My humor, my life, my likes and dislikes. Her energy just perfectly counterbalances mine in such a positive way.
I still love her, but I am content and happy in my own life. I would have never gotten to this point if I hadn't figured out my situation, and our initial relationship would have been a disaster.
We will see what the universe and God have in store for us, but just wanted to share this.