It’s interesting as you age, you feel like you’re losing something, but you’re not sure what it is.
At least that’s my experience.
People sometimes still tell me I’m young, but I’m not that young.
If I were to make the same mistakes I made when I was 19 years old people would think I was a fool.
And then when you think about your age and what you have accomplished, that’s what makes you feel like you’re missing out on something. Maybe I should be doing this, maybe I should be doing that, maybe I should’ve done this for the last three or four years.
But what’s even weirder is the loss of memory as you age. You forget people, you forget names, you forget experiences that you had when you were only a decade old. The things that make you remember situations are other people mentioning them but when you try to recall your life, it’s kind of blurry or only the certain emotional state your in that current day will allow you to remember events.
I’m not sure if my experience is universal for everyone. I’m told and from what I see when people have children that changes your expectations and how you recall your life as well. Because I am single and I’m well into my 30s, it’s like when you get older, you become despondent of your younger self, wishing you would find them again, but also detached from it, because experience grants you the wisdom of realizing nothing is permanent and so you are more passive and accepting.
All the while, you feel like you’re losing opportunity or what you used to be and that’s a mindfuck all of itself.