looking for advice if this is for me
i'm doing this on a throwaway bc im too scared to say any of this on my main. please tell me to fuck off if its warranted.
basically i'm at a fork in the road here and i want to hear some of your thoughts.
i remember being in late elementary school/early middle school and hearing about christopher mccandless. i know this is probably not the best example to throw out there, but i remember from the start feeling connected to his story in a way i couldn't describe. into the wild hasn't been the extent of this, i've been lurking on this sub for a while and reading up, but it was my introduction. the thought has kind of bounced around my mind as something that comes up every once in a while, but lately i've been seriously considering it. i told myself though that i wouldn't entertain anything until i turn 18 and got my diploma. well, i'm 18 and i graduate in a week. for most of high school (and before that) the plan was to go to college, get a job, yadda yadda whatever, but i'm starting to feel more unsure about that
- the last year and a half of high school have made me seriously doubt if i'm cut out for that. i have a laundry list of mental health issues, including like REALLY debilitating adhd. if was barely holding it together in school, i feel like the real world is going to chew me up and spit me out. i struggle to get anything done, and i feel like a machine instead of a human.
- seeing how fucked the economy is is making me doubt if i could even get a job after college
- the thought of a 40 hour a week job and burying myself in debt and paying bills for the rest of my life is starting to freak me the fuck out. i don't want to spend the rest of my life as some husk living the same day over and over again.
my home life has been weird to say the least. i'm not really sure how to deal with my parents. they shrugged off me being sexually assaulted twice, once by my own brother, they think i'm faking having PTSD. at one point before i got into a fight with my mom where i got kicked out, but i ended up being able to cool things down and i came back a couple hours later.
with that being said though, its kind of weird. i have a lot of bones to pick with them that i feel like goes beyond the typical "oh haha crazy family" shit, but i still have my needs met, and they tell me that they love me (sometimes). it's really fucking weird. so like, i don't want to stick around here, but i also don't want to make my parents sad? i might not be making sense
as much as falling into just working for the rest of my life scares me, i can't lie, the uncertainty of traveling scares the hell out of me too, just in a completely different way.
i'm really trying to make sure i don't take this lightly, i know homelessness is something that is forced upon people and i don't want to romanticize something that sucks for someone else. i hope i don't come across as someone just seeking some adrenaline, because for me it feels like something far more than that. i feel like kind of a privileged asshole for saying all of this, so once again please tell me to fuck off if i deserve it.