tldr: My mum won't go to the doctor and it's impacting our relationship.
Hey lovely people of reddit. I hope you’re all doing ok. 😄
I’m just looking for some advice/to vent as I’m feeling down and not sure where to turn to for advice. If this isn’t appropriate to this sub please delete it. I’ll try to condense this as much as possible.
My lovely mum isn’t doing very well. She’s in her 60s. I’m 25 and studying at uni a few hours away from home at university.
This has been going on for about two years (getting progressively worse). Long story short my mum’s been telling me and my siblings about things going missing in the house, strange smells and thinks she is under constant surveillance by my father who she thinks is out to get her. She doesn’t have any friends. My dad has been telling me what has been happening and, based on extensive research, talking to people etc, talking to my mum and seeing her face to face, I’m convinced my mum is experiencing psychosis. It seems characteristic of paranoid schizophrenia. Or dementia.
But this is the thing. I feel so powerless. My mother knows that the doctor wants to see her and my dad has told her that she ‘needed to get help.’ In retrospect, I feel that he could’ve worded it a bit better but anyway that’s beside the point. Since then, my mum has been mistrustful of anyone who suggests psychiatric help. I’ve been reading a lot about anosognosia and this seems like it. She refuses to go to the doctor.
A couple of weeks ago, she asked me a question. She asked me if the doctor phoned me, that I would verify what she is saying. That I would tell them that her delusions are true and that, essentially, my dad is out to get her. Or if the police phoned, that I would tell them the ‘evidence.’ She is asking for help from us all to get her out of the situation. I did a rubbish job of babbling and not really answering the question when she asked. It’s all a blur. She told me that she feels unloved when people don’t help her get out of her situation.
Today she asked me the question again. She asked me if I believed her and if I would ‘back her up’ if the doctor called me. Then she asked me more directly if I believed her. I told her at first that I didn’t feel comfortable answering the question. She then told me that that means I don’t believe her and I crumbled and told her I was confused (and started crying.) I told her, whatever happens, I love her and always will and nothing will ever change that. I couldn't tell her yes or no. It feels wrong lying to my mum yet it feels horrible to imagine that, in her mind, I’m not on her side.
I’ve done all I can think of. I feel like such a bad daughter. There are so many more details and so much more context to the story but for time’s sake I’ve not included it all. It all feels like a strange dream and none of us know what to do. I love my mum so much and watching her go through this and not knowing what to do is agonising. 😞
Any advice would be lovely, and thank you for reading this! I hope it makes sense. I’m feeling a bit dazed so I hope this isn’t incoherent.