Just some of my story!
My mother and I lived with my grandparents when I was a child until I was about 7. That's when she met my step dad and they got together, my mom always told me I was a rape baby when I was old enough to kind of comprehend it. She was always an avid partier, but it ended up always escalating. By the time I was 10 she was shooting up crack in our bathroom and kept this all hidden from my step father. I have memories of hiding my mom's needles whenever my step father would come home that she had always stashed in a black bag. I have a vivid memory of hiding that bag in my sister's room when CPS came to check on us.
When I was 11 or so she started letting me have edibles and stuff, I remember she would sneak them to me. She took me to the neighbors house as well, which were just 2 adults in the household. They let me smoke their bong and I remember playing mortal Kombat afterward. I couldn't handle it well and was very high on cuz I was 11 lmao. By the time I was 12, I asked her if I could try crack. So one day she let me smoke crack with her. I only did it once because I didn't like the numb feeling throughout my whole throat. I remember playing DBZ ultimate Tenkaichi for hours.
Fast forward to my freshman year in highschool, she always told me if I ever wanted to try drugs to let her know so I could do it in a safe setting. So I said I wanted to try meth and see what all the scare was about. That's how I became a 14 yr old meth addict. I ended up getting 4 friends from school hooked on it too, and they would all come over and we would get high and just draw or I would play video games for days.
I remember my mom would listen to police scanners on her iPad constantly for hours. We even once heard our house come up for a wellness check and I remember hiding the meth pipe in the rafters in the basement. Two cops arrived. One talked to her while one walked around the house. I followd him to the basement and I remember him shining his flashlight right in the spot I hid the pipe. My heart jumped so badly, but then he just kept walking. Never found it. We weren't caught.
Honestly, I look back fondly on those times because the emotions were so high and I really did enjoy doing the drugs with my friends and making those memories. I was always missing school and getting high with her at home. I had my first love there. I remember she would come over, she was also just 14 or 15. We would put meth in a shot glass and pour soda into it and drink it to get high. I remember endless nights of searching for little shards on the ground in the kitchen, and just listening to music and spending time together. We were never officially a couple, but one night she took some bad acid with my mom. She had a terrible trip and only wanted me. I held her for hours that night. I waited with her until she felt good enough to take a shower. So I let her shower, and stayed in the adjacent room listening to make sure she didn't fall and hurt herself. Then we went to my room to rest, and she wanted me to have sex with her. I wanted to so badly, I was just a kid. I refused however and told her I couldn't do it while she was in this state and that I wouldn't use her like that. We stayed up all that night talking about our future and what our life would look like together. In the morning, she didn't remember any of it. We hardly ever spoke to each other again.
We started getting involved in bad crowds. I remember I met another troubled girl who was obsessed with me for some reason. She would do all my homework for me, and wanted me to treat her like dirt. I didn't of course, so we ended up getting in a relationship and she also did meth.
One day, the man my mother was cheating on my step father with spiked her with acid and I remember we all ran away to a place a few states away that the man was originally from. I remember dropping my brother and sister off with my step dad and crying as we left the parking lot. This was all out of nowhere and happened so fast.
So bam, just like that we're living in another state, in a truck bed camper on the side of the road. She would always beg my step father to send money for food, and somehow she actually got him to. So we weren't starving, at least there is that. At this point, I had advanced to using needles instead of just smoking the meth. Man, what a rush. She always used to say if her boyfriend sneezed when he shot up, it was good stuff. I remember the one single time he sneezed, I got so excited because I knew it would be good. So I got my needle, and wow. As soon as the first heartbeat hit after that needle got pushed in, I felt so fuzzy and warm. The best I had ever felt. The best cigarette I ever smoked. I stayed up for 9 hours that night, walking around with a flashlight picking worms out of the dirt to go fishing.
A few months later we ended up being able to rent out a house, and it immediately became the neighborhood trap house. People in and out at all hours of the day or night. I remember one time I had to drag my mom's boyfriend off of her because he was choking her when they were fighting. He was gonna kill her, so I jumped on his back and started hurting him. He stopped after that... Another time me and my mom fought. She made me mad, I don't remember why and I charged at her with a pencil to stab her. I wouldn't really do it, but she smacked me with a notebook and paper flew everywhere. We both broke out in laughter and the fight was over just like that... I remember the aforementioned girl who was obsessed with me had actually ran away from home and came two states over just to stay with me. She performed sexual favors for a ride to get to me. She lived with me for two weeks, hiding out until one day cops randomly turned up at our house and took her away to send her back to where she came from. Unfortunately, she never got sober. She's living in a bus somewhere now, with HIV because of the needles she used and because she sold her body for drugs. I haven't spoken to her for years. But I remember she really cared about me. I remember she turned up at my job and gave me a red hot chili peppers CD and we smoked meth with some hobos under a bridge. I wish things had gone better for her...
In the trap house I made some truly great friends. We're still friends to this day and most of us got sober! They've become family and have families of their own and I'm very proud of them. We're the lucky ones who made it out.
A few months later, I got caught stealing cough medicine from a grocery store. I stole triple Cs from a store and took them immediately. About 15 of them. Its a terrible high, but anything was good to me. I remember the police picking me up and taking me home where I threw up everywhere and ended up getting charged with theft. I was also accused of groping a friends sister, which they charged me for as well until the girl came forward and said she had made it up. I was always sickened by any sort of sexual crime or unconsentual touching because to my knowledge I was a rape baby and would never ever become like the prick who did that to my mother. I remember one time I ran away from school to where we were staying because some kids made fun of me and said our house would get raided. I looked like a dingy skinny starving boy.
Probation for 6 months. During that time my mom left to go back to our home state and just left me alone with some people who did meth and she said they were my guardians for now and said she would eventually get a train ticket for me. I remember I had to do community service for my crimes as well and I cleaned the shelves at the library. I had a great PO, she was very kind and understanding. I remember one time she took me for a walk and gave me a cigarette. She told me that we were looking for trash, and that's servicing the community. She was a wonderful woman, and I wish I could tell her how well off I am now.
I ran away from my temporary guardians, and ended up living in a friends basement for 2 weeks. We did meth and all I did was sit in the basement and eat bread. Terrible month. So, I sold my Xbox to get a train ticket myself. Ended up getting a ring stuck on my finger at the train station. I panicked and ended up breaking my finger trying to get it off. I rode the whole 7 hour train ride with a knife between my finger and the ring trying to keep blood circulating. She picked me up at the train station with her new boyfriend, and we went straight to his house and dremmeled the ring off of my finger. Then bam, smoking more meth. We lived there for two months, hiding. She had 2 warrants for her arrest. The aforementioned obsessed girl came and stayed with me there for a while and I remember we had sex in the living room with a bunch of people there trying to be nonchalant under a blanket.. crazy times.
One day my mom went to get cigarettes at a gas station down the block and all of a sudden about 12 black SUVs pulled up on her while she was walking and took her away. $50,000 bond. I won't give specific charges because she could be searched up, but safe to say she was in trouble and some of my freshman year friends came forward with their stories. (She ended up doing almost a year until she had my baby sister in prison and then got 5 years probation) That night, me and her boyfriend at the time ended up just smoking a whole shit ton of meth. We rode around on bikes through the city and went to his friend's place and got even higher in a shed. I knew the game was up and I wouldn't have meth for a while. Called my grandma and got picked up that morning. They hadn't seen me in 2 years and were so scared for me. She let me live with her and her husband. I remember there was an old man next door. A lonely old man, and I would go over there and we would smoke weed. In my mind at least I had a steady stream of weed to smoke in exchange for hanging out with this dude. He was very sick and old. Loved talking about Costa rica where he lived for a large part of his life. He would sell me cigarettes all the time too lol.
The aforementioned obsessed girl ended up getting another boyfriend, and they were both using heavily. She became my new connect. She would make her boyfriend give me meth for free. I remember one night I snuck out and we all shot up and I got caught being out of the house.
My grandma called wondering where I was. We hauled ass back to her house and on the way, I fingered her in the backseat while her boyfriend had no idea and drove me home. I never seen her again.
One day I stayed up all night smoking the meth they gave me for free, and played dishonored all night. My grandma unsuspectedly walked into the room while I was mid hit on the pipe. Boy was I in trouble... The whole family came over and shamed me. They took the pipe and put it in a bag in the kitchen while they figured out what to do. They scolded me and sent me downstairs. I snuck into the kitchen and opened the bag and took another fat rip before they could take it away. After that, I stopped smoking meth for a good while.
They let me see my siblings again and I just remember being so happy to see them that I cried. My step father was moving to a southern state for a new job, and they thought it would be good for me to go with them and help watch my younger siblings. Everything went very well, other than leaving a really sweet amazing girl behind, who I was very in love with. We decided to have a long distance relationship. At the end of my senior year in highschool (I had a lot of work to make up due to missing school so much in prior years. I went to 17 different schools by the time I graduated) I met a girl and started using again and ended up getting her hooked on it as well. Me and this girl ended up sleeping together often, and I still had my girlfriend from back home in the long distance relationship. One day I threw away my phone and ran off with the girl I got hooked on meth... My long distance girlfriend was very worried she couldn't get ahold of me.. she drove from a state away just to check on me.. my step father told her I was sleeping with another girl and I broke her heart and trust... Safe to say she never wanted to speak to me again. That's what I regret most in my life. She was my muse. My soul mate and I threw it away for a terrible woman who could never compare. I felt and still feel like such a terrible person for that and it makes my stomach hurt when I think about it. I've had nightmares about it.
Ended up getting sober and now I'm almost 30 and 9 years sober (other than smoking weed and the occasional beer) with a wonderful wife and an amazing beautiful daughter. I have a good job and own multiple properties. I hate telling this story because it makes it sound like I want their pity or something. Its embarrassing for sure, and after years of telling the story I'm tired of repeating the same mantra and just want to move on. My mother is sober now, smokes a lot of weed. I can't stand talking to her... I know she is doing better and loves me but I just have no feeling and don't wanna regret not talking to her. She's not healthy, due to the years of drug abuse. Has serious health problems. But I just can't bring myself to talk to her enthusiastically. I'm very cold in our conversations. But I do love her and she used to be my hero. Idk.. she's had 5 kids and wasn't able to keep a single one of them. I love my siblings to death and I stay in good contact with them. There is a 24 year age gap between me and my youngest sibling. I just feel blessed that they're happy and live with very close family members of mine.
My step father from back then ended up getting arrested and convicted for 11 years just last year for being abusive to 2 of my siblings. Glad he's gone, he never hurt any of us when I was there. My siblings are doing extremely well too, they're very successful and I'm proud of them.
I'm shaking, now as I finish getting this story out. Maybe it's because I typed so fast.. Anyways, thanks for listening. Sorry if it's just a bunch of word vomit or poorly articulated. I just got a random urge to share with you folks. I did this very quickly after I clocked in to work lol, so again, sorry if it's hard to read or seems jumbled.