Hi guys, throwaway account because I want a second opinion on this situation. Long post ahead, sorry about that.
My best friend of many years and I are both going through stressful personal life circumstances. We usually communicate very well about our boundaries and the amount of energy/space we have to support each other. However, a couple of things have changed in the last few weeks that's left me feeling isolated and awkward:
- She's recently gotten into a new relationship, and her partner has become the person she sees most frequently day to day. Because of this, when I ask her about what's going on in her life, it's usually some anecdote about them together, or venting about something she's worried about in her relationship, which I'm happy to listen to. But it's becoming almost all we talk about, and I get a bit overwhelmed sometimes, because in contrast, she rarely ever talks about herself/her mental health. She doesn't have to divulge anything she's not comfortable with, but in the span of about a week, I've gone from talking her down from self-destructive thoughts to "I'm fine", meanwhile her relationship talk continues as normal, and I don't know what to do with that. I'm glad that she's doing better, but it just took a while to adjust to.
- Because we're both struggling at the moment, I'm tentative on what parts of my mental health I can discuss with her. Sometimes it's nice to say it out loud to someone who's close to you. I'm dealing with some long-term mental health conditions that make me very irritable and anxious, so when she's also going through a panic attack or similar, I feel increasing strain to put my mental health on the backburner. This is usually because her situations come on suddenly, and I have a split second to react to them. Because of this, I haven't responded in the best of ways (bursting into tears about something unrelated whilst she was in the middle of an attack, making things worse). I know how to handle these situations better, but the stress of handling them as well as my own reactions to the situation leave me incredibly stretched thin.
- When I do open up (after checking that she's ok with it), I often get no or little response in person. It's just a "sorry man" or just silence. Over text, she's slightly better, like asking me if there's anything she can do (there isn't really). Sometimes I don't need advice or anything, so the minimal response is sometimes fine, but I feel very vulnerable saying some pretty emotionally intense shit and then be left hanging for a while in person.
Recently we've been hanging out more often, but I feel like she's awkward when asking me how I'm doing. She does care, but it's like she's completely forgotten how to talk to me. At the same time, I've been feeling more hesitant to talk about what's going on with me because I don't want to make her more awkward because my situation is still pretty shit. I am trying to get therapy, so I'm actively trying to improve my situation, but obviously this takes time. I just feel like I've been showing up more for her than she has for me - I know there are reasons why she can't, but it's not like it's easy for me either.
tl;dr - friend and I are giving each other unequal amounts of emotional support and I'm too emotionally tired to bring it up, wondering if I should make the executive decision to put some healthy distance between us at least for now.
Let me know your thoughts, and thanks for reading this far!