hello
I am ashamed that I make this post, but I do not know what to do with my life and relathionship. I am 23f living in European country, my situation is complicated. I am working in my bf dad's company, my monthly net worth is shitty. I am living with them. my relationship is dying. I do not know what I feel to him, sometimes I do not feel anything. for few weeks I have aggressive attack and I am scary of myself. I do not like myself and sometimes my bf.... two days ago we have an argument and I had this attack... Earlier that day we were on his best friend party. There I met his friends for the first time we are together for 2 years). I met there girlfriend one of his friend. it was so nice to talk with her. I was laughing and feeling like I was talking with bff. When we were going to home he started to laugh about my conversation with her. He said that I was talking wrong things, talking too much and that I have OCD/ROCD, well I felt so bad because that was not first time when he did this to me... I wanted to runaway and cry so bad. I told him that was rude and I do not wanna talk, when he did not care about this. He continue this and I just stop talking. I was afraid of talk to him. when we back to home I was laying in bed for long time, sad. Then I go wth him to shop and he starts again
He told me that my teeth are too yellow and I must go to dentist, in my country dentist is so expensive and I have not money for this. He know I am afraid of this but he do not wanted talking to me that I am not normal and is something wrong with me. I ask him is he gonna with me and hold my hand ( I think that he say yes). He said that he can talk with me on the phone and my aggressive attack started. I do not understand why he cannot support me, why he cannot be with me..
When I have this attacks I haven't control on me and I was screaming, talking really bad things like : you are fucking dick, I hate you, fuck off ( I think in my language this words sound better) but I shouldn't saying this. I am not aggressive person but OCD + DEPRESSION make to do this.
Today we were arguing via instagram and I thought everything is okay, but I text to this girl from party and he said "I think it is too early, you should wait and see is she wanna see you" but 30 minutes earlier he said that he really wanna me and her be friends.
I need support or text with somebody... or what do you think about this ?
i am thinking to end with me, my life is so pathetic
*sorry my English, it is my second language