this was my time, I'm grateful for everything in these 17 years, but I can't anymore.
I am grateful for everything in these 17 years of my life, thanks to all the great people I met, thanks to those too whom I was supposed to meet. Sorry to all those people whom I met but the experience wasn't nice, I wish I could've been better.
Now I can't anymore, I don't know what's going on in my life. It's the most down I've ever been. i don't see anymore hope, life has lost it's colours.
this makes me realise, how dumb was i, acting like it's not going well when it was going so fine, i was being sad over small things. blaming about everything, instead of being grateful for whatever i had.
i remember when i was in 9th grade, 3 years ago how i was so furious and crazy that why isn't anything going right with me.
now today i can do nothing about it except regret, that time was so good, wish i had been more sensible and more grateful.
all my life i never took a day without being worried about anything, never was satisfied
i see my parents and it breaks my heart, how i never behaved nicely with them. how i always kept blaming them, kept arguing with my mom dad and sister. no one deserved that, no one deserves me, i don't deserve anyone.
they deserve better, i wish in some other timeline or some other world, they get a better son and brother.
after what i've done till now, they've always been supportive but i know, tomorrow everyone will go against me, my family, society, everyone will question me
people will laugh on me and my family, everyone will make fun of me.
i wish there was some pill or potion which would have made me 15 or 16 again, and i could've done better in last one year and used/spent it sensibly
i've faked and hided a lot of things from my parents, i hope they had some kid who could live up to there expectations instead of me
i am crying right now, my parents love me very much, my sister too. my mother will break down totally, but i don't have any other option, i can't face them, i can't face myself
everyone who's reading this, guys irrespective of whatever is going on, please be grateful, always be nice with your family even if they make mistakes or some minor blunders, our parents and siblings are always innocent and some times they don't deserve to be treated bad by us.
in the next few hours the exam finals result might be out. i remember making a post around 2 weeks ago and got suggested some subliminals, i used them. schrodingers sub, after exam subs playlists, etc
but i don't feel nice now. i don't know if it's possible or not, i can't think of anything now. i don't see anything in my future, i was so chill my last whole year about this, i wish i could've been serious at right time.
growing up, from grade 1, we know that if the result doesn't comes well, we always have next grade to work hard and get things on track, irony is i always did well before this, and couldn't do when it was most important. even now writing this, i think how always from grade one there was another year, another chance.
i've been listening to slade's problem solving subliminal since yesterday, moon hour's i don't remember, some reality something subliminal 39 second audio.
now i feel let's say it worked, but how will it even solve the problem? i can't think of any solution, if i could i wouldn't have been going to do this.
as a kid i always used to think that how dumb people even can be before taking this step, now i feel to the core, how it feels. helpless, in the middle of ocean.
i would really appreciate if any of you still has any advice, i wish too as well.
i am thinking to listening to the instantly manifest by moonhour.
ps: a random advice, always treat your family well, never take them for granted. be grateful
i hope all of your wishes come true, whoever wants whatever, eye colour change, nose shape, height etc.
: )