About a year ago I had made a post on here stating that I wanted to convert to Christianity, at the time I was a nonbeliever and before that I was a Muslim. I asked for directions, for guidance, how to convert, how to do my Christian duties in a place where Christianity is seen as spawn of Satan and unacceptable. I had no access to a church nor did I knew any Chirstians that could guide me.
A lot of people came to my help and answered my questions with patience and they were helpful which I am forever grateful for and pray for those every single day. I mentioned that I had this feeling, some kind of kinship to Christianity for a long time even when I was a Muslim, even when I was very little. I always wanted to be a Christian.
I thought I was unworthy of Christ's love and forgiveness because I didn't convert sooner. I wanted to gather as much information and knowledge as possible to convert to become a worthy Christian worthy of Christ's love and forgiveness.
At the time, before converting I was going through a dark time. After a few months of making that post, I had converted to Christianity. I was so happy. I cried every time when I was praying in secret. I cried every time I muttered Christ's name. He finally accepted me and I felt his presence in my life. Even though I couldn't go to church, pray in a mass, I was trying with the opportunities I was given with.
My family had no idea of any of this. They thought that I was still a Muslim as I acted as one. Went to the mosque, prayed like them, fasted during Ramadan etc. I knew the consequences of letting them know of my true faith.
My family is very Muslim to a point that I consider them 'Extremists'. I remember, when I was a little boy, I refused to perform five obligatory prayers (Salah) one day and my mother said very calmly "I will kill (sacrifice) you for God (Allah)." At that point, I had realised, if they knew that I was secretly a Christian they would surely kill me. This is just one of the instances that show their extremist behaviours.
That post is now deleted. I deleted it. My elder sister found it when she was going through my bookmarks on my personal laptop when she was staying at my place. She questioned me. Asked me whether I went through with my conversion or not and many other questions. I am simplifying it when I am typing this. She was very furious. She was almost like a beast. Her eyes were wide open. Her skin turned pale. She was disgusted and angry with me. She threatend to tell our family and friends. I begged her not to but she didn't listen. After she left I was left in ruins. My heart was racing and aching. Moments after she left, my family started bombarding me with messages and phone calls. Asking me whether the things my sister was telling them were true or not. Of course I am yet again simplifying it. They were very angry, furious and deranged.
My father told me to seek a Sheikh and get rid of this 'evil' inside of me or that he was going to kill me to cleanse our family name with my tainted blood and honor God (Allah). Reactions from my other family members were also very similar.
I am lost. I lost the most valuable thing that was important to me, my family. I was never going to tell them. I was never going to make them aware of my endavours. I worked tirelessly my whole life. Trying to make them happy and proud. I retired both of my parents. I did everything they wanted from me. But this single 'mistake' was enough for them to turn their backs to me and go so far as to threaten to kill me. Their own son. Their own blood and flesh.
I since then prayed and begged our Lord for guidince. I prayed that he would forgive my family for they know not what they do. I prayed for Lord to make my family happy. Prayed for their well-being. I prayed and prayed. I still pray.
I need guidince, my fellow Christians. I am sure there are many of you who went through something similar. Please, help me. Pray for me and pray for my family.