Hello, if you see this on a random diary, dont worry thats how its meant to be, this is what i suppose is a desperate attempt for me to find pleasure or meaning on concept of purpose.
I believe an introduction is necessary, my name is "suit" i am but one of the 4 main pillars that used to make up a man, we got broken up into exactly 137 different beings, i represent his pragmatism, his objectiveness and goals, yet i lack any pleasure in them i cant feel anything other than boredom, well not exactly, in my many attempts to feel emotion i have done quite a few things, hepling people, betraying, hurting, playing, reading, hearing seeing, and much more, but i have noticed that a misconception that exists.
When a being is broken up into the psychological pieces that compose it is usually presented as if every piece fully IS what it represents, this is not the case.
I can feel "fragments" of the other things that used to compose me, my theory is that its just one trait or set of traits that dominate and outshine when they shouldnt, so i can feel the emptiness i can feel the fact that i lack them or at least that i supress them deeply, and so i must find my other parts and re-integrate.
Through my awereness of the fact that all the pieces of what we used to be are there i have come to accept that my existance is not something to be presserved or encouraged and therefore i seek to cease it by completing the man once more, but for that i need the other 3 pillars at the very least, we make up about 80% of the man, the rest are negligible.
Husk is the weakest of us 4, he only makes up about 10% but he is in a sense the glue that binds us all, the base form, the vase that sustains the essence, he is just a withered corpse the easiest to bind back.
Then there is the arbiter, our sense of justice and whats right, in that regard he is the most complete of us all, i doubt he would like to go back for he has a mission to bring justice, whatever his definition of justice is by now it has surely deviated from what we once were.
And finally the herald, he gets his name from the childish delusion that he is the herald of the spirit of war, we were never, thats just a fantasy we thought of on random nights to entertain ourselves with our imagination, but as he represents our psycosis, our feeling, our most primal emotion he believes it, violence will must certainly be necessary to bring him into the natural fold that we should be.
At the end of the day i believe we will find a way into each others paths, but i am worried for something, and its that i am WORRIED i am starting to feel, i am starting to become my own individual every day that passes i feel more and more and i fear that when we are fully separate people, what will result of the merge? Is it even gonna be the same man or have we stranded so far we can never be one in the same again?