Feeling Depressed Post Treatment
Hey yall,
So many of you were extremely helpful when I first started posting about my journey here. Was diagnosed in August 2025, got my radical orchi done on my left promptly that month, followed by 1 x BEP in November. It was a whirlwind and at the time I didn't really have the bandwidth to sit with my emotions. I developed a stoic gruffness and went through treatment while keeping up my physical training and stuff (I'm a hobbyist boxer). Mind you I had plenty of nerves haha but I squared up to the disease with every ounce of willpower I had at the time.
It's been a few months and now that my nerves have settled the raw terror of what I experienced has set in. The journey wasn't smooth in the beginning, had a misdiagnosis and an anxiety driven experience at my first medical experience. The endless scans, the large volume of fluid being pumped thru my veins, the side effects, the nausea, the fact that I had the Big C, the insensitive treatment from my first doctor all got burned in my brain.
I also felt trapped bec my recurrence odds post my orchiectomy made BEP a no brainer, even tho my docs said they'd fully understand if I picked surveillance. I knew that I'd be inevitably condemning myself to more cycles though.
Now that it's in the past, I find myself breaking down frequently, bec cancer was just the latest in a pretty long series of general hardships. Even if logically there's nothing indicating bad shits about to happen, im conditioned to expect the most terrifying and insane stuff to turn my world upside down with no warning. I find myself grieving my twenties until this point. I've spent most of it battling depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and addiction, and just as I came out on top I got hit with this lol. I haven't had the chance to live like a normal young adult, have fun, go out with my friends, and haven't dated in a fat minute.
I've got a lot of good in my life too, don't get me wrong, it's just that my body and mind are screaming from eveything I've had to deal with, the fear of the diagnosis, and my anticipation of what might come.
I've spent enough time in therapy that I know this will pass inevitably with time and that I'm fighting demons created by my nervous system, but that hasn't stopped me from sinking into my couch and not being able to do anything for days lol. would appreciate thoughts from older survivors ❤️