Venting a bit. I hate having AGP.
I hate this orientation. Becuse it's wht it is, an orientation.
I know full well that I am a man. (if you can call a loser like me a man, but whatever). My ego is that of a man. My identity is that of, albeit miserable loser of, a man.
I have cero attraction for men as well, which leads to me masking this extremely well with my group of friends because my trigger is beautiful women. And so I can share instagram content with them.
Fortunately, my journey on NoFap and leaving porn addiction has helped me decrease some of the self-loathing.
But it's sneaky and I fear I will never have the libido I need to have a romantic relationship with a woman. I fear I won't be able to enjoy having sex with a woman and that fear destroys me. Because having a girlfriend is something I always wanted. But the part of my that is AGP is against it.
I hate living in this fffking limbo in between. I fffking HATE it.