u/FrancescasGrove

At the end of the Field Trip episode when the lads are on the boat about to be rescued, Lauren shouts “Is that a fish?!”. She is standing at the harbour side which is slightly elevated, but that angle is not nearly high enough to be able to see the fish at the bottom of the boat (the view is blocked by the tall sides of the boat)

Not to mentioned the fact that even if she could look into the boat at that angle, it’s too far away to make out that there is a fish — it would just blend into the rest of the boat.

This may well have ruined the whole show for me…

I’m on Day 42 of regular daily claim (18 days until the 80 AB bonus).

I’m ready to pay for Explorers Club (annual subscription). Would it make sense to just upgrade tomorrow morning or shall I get to Day 60 first on the free mode?

I know when you join Explorers Club it resets the daily ladder.

INT. MARK AND JEZ’S FLAT - EVENING

Mark and Jez on the sofa, beers in hand.

JEZ: Nah but seriously — Shaq. Massive unit of a man. What if he’s got a micropenis? Like proper tiny. Hidden in the shadow of his own thighs.

MARK: (perturbed) Why are we having this conversation? Seriously, Jeremy. One minute we’re watching sport, the next you’re speculating about the genital configuration of a retired basketball legend. Can’t we just exist for five minutes?

JEZ: It’s interesting! Cultural ramifications… and stuff… mate.

MARK: (dryly) This might be somewhat difficult to believe, but I’ve not done much scholarly research on the cultural ramifications of a potentially small penis. Not sure that’s on list of recommended PhD topics just yet…

Mark pauses. The cogs turn. He gives Jez a strange sideways look.

MARK: Actually, mate… you know what this reminds me of? Jeff.

JEZ: Jeff from work?

MARK: (pause, then quietly) I think he… has one…

JEZ: (laughing) What, a cock?

Mark leans in closer, eyes slightly evil, almost whispering it like a dirty secret.

MARK: No… A micropenis.

JEZ: (laughing harder) Fuck off. No he doesn’t.

MARK: I’m telling you. The man overcompensates like mad. The loud voice in meetings, the constant name-dropping, the way he stands with his legs so far apart at the coffee machine. Classic micropenis behaviour.

JEZ: Mate, I’ve been at the urinal next to him. It’s normal. Nothing to write home about, but respectable. Passable, even.

MARK: (insistent) You only think that because he’s a grower, not a shower. I’m telling you, Jeff’s packing a secret shame.

JEZ: (waving him off) Alright, whatever. But back to Shaq though—

MARK: (talking over him) And the worst part is, Jeff’s probably convinced himself that nobody knows…

JEZ: Mark. You’re a deeply petty, terrible person.

MARK: (small, satisfied smile) I’m just saying. The possibility is there. For both of them.

[Mark’s inner monologue: Yes. I’ve done it. I’ve infected the narrative. Tomorrow at the water cooler I’ll casually mention “apparently Jeff…” and watch the doubt spread like a virus. This conversation was worth it after all.]

JEZ: (standing up) On that subject… I need to take a quick widdle. Put it on pause will ya?

Jez heads to the toilet.

INT. BATHROOM

Jez stands at the toilet.

[Jez’s inner monologue: All this talk about genitalia. So uncouth. Still… Mark. Have I ever actually seen… it? All these years living together. The awkward midnight pass-bys in the hall — two ships passing in the night. Or rather, a ship passing a tiny dinghy. Surely I’d remember if it was small. I don’t. Maybe he does have one. Poor guy. That actually explains so much about him.]

Jez finishes and returns to the living room.

JEZ: Mark. Quick question. When you’re having a piss… how far do you stand away from the toilet? Like, is it a couple of feet back? Or are you right on the brim?

MARK: (instantly defensive) What the hell are you on about now?

JEZ: (innocent) Just curious, mate. Just curious.
(heading toward his bedroom)

Anyway, gotta hit the hay. I’m up at 6am. Super Hans reckons if you feed the ducks at the park before sunrise, they’ll lay you an egg the size of a football as a token of their gratitude. His words, not mine. We’re about to finally cash in on Mother Nature.

MARK: (staring into space, exhausted) Of course he’s doing that… The circle of life. You need a dick and circle for that... I wonder how much of the rest of my life I’m going to spend thinking about penises? Big subject, really. I’ve got one. Jez has got one. Jez is a dickhead. Can women be dickheads? No, that doesn’t quite work, does it… Still. Enough dick to go around.

JEZ: (from the doorway, with a big grin) Yeah. Night, big man.

The Peep Show drum sting hits as Mark sits alone, looking deeply unsettled by his own brain.

I’m in my 30s and looking to meet people in a more organic way via a club or social event or volunteering.

I’ve tried running clubs and Meetup.com and it’s sort of worked but I’m looking for other ideas.

What have people tried that has been decent? Anywhere in Newcastle is fine. Thanks in advance.