Am I Just An Anxious Overthinker?
Okay Reddit, I need brutally honest outside opinions because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overthinking something that could actually be healthy 😭
I’m 21F and he’s 24M. We met online and have been talking/going on dates for a little over a month now. We usually see each other once or twice a week. He only lives like 10 minutes away from me, so this isn’t long distance or anything.
He works a lot at a restaurant right now, but he’s about to start wildland firefighting training and will probably be VERY busy this summer and gone a lot, which is part of what’s making me anxious.
He says he wants long term, marriage eventually, kids, family, all that. He’s honestly very straightforward compared to a lot of guys I’ve dealt with before. He compliments me a lot, checks in, wants to spend time with me consistently, talks about future stuff naturally, and seems genuinely excited about me.
Belief/value wise we align a LOT:
- both want real relationships eventually
- both want marriage/kids
- both family-oriented
- both affectionate/physical touch people
- both emotionally intense in different ways.
But personality-wise we’re kind of opposites:
- I overthink EVERYTHING
- I need reassurance sometimes
- I’ve had bad experiences with guys before so I get anxious easily
- he’s more calm/go-with-the-flow
- kind of a last minute planner
- not the most verbally reassuring guy naturally.
And I think that’s where my anxiety comes in because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m anxious because something is wrong… or because he’s actually emotionally healthier/more stable than what I’m used to 😭
Another thing:
I don’t really have much sexual experience at all. I’ve never really had a serious relationship and I’m more emotionally attached/intimacy-oriented. He’s had more experience than me. He’s had some hookups in the past and one actual girlfriend, but nothing crazy. Physically there’s definitely chemistry between us, but he hasn’t pressured me at all which I really appreciate.
My main fear honestly is:
once he starts wildland firefighting and gets super busy, will he slowly get bored of me or disconnected? I worry because I know we probably won’t see each other as much for periods of time, and since he’s not super reassuring naturally, I’m wondering if my anxiety would ruin things.
At the same time though… maybe I’m overthinking a guy who is genuinely good for me.
Be brutally honest:
- Does this sound like a guy genuinely looking for a relationship?
- Does this dynamic sound healthy so far?
- Could this realistically work long term?
- Or does it sound like our attachment/communication styles would eventually clash badly?