The suffocating reality of being completely love-deprived in plain sight
It's a really particular, oppressive form of loneliness. Although I am not physically alone, the world around me greatly misunderstands me and I am essentially devoid of love.
It's like yelling when submerged. I devote all of my energy to being the organized, trustworthy person who keeps everything together, but when I need real, uninvited love or to be genuinely noticed, there is nothing. Continually providing structure and care for others while operating at full capacity is draining.
I'm sick of living off of meager connections. I'm sick of waiting for someone to look at me and truly see me while I feel like I'm suffocating in an air-filled room.
All I want to know is how it feels to be unquestionably selected and to be held without being asked to do anything in particular.
How do you prevent the deprivation from making you utterly resentful if you live with this same heavy, lonely silence?