Thank you for the detailed feedback I received on my first attempt. I’ll include the link to that post below:
I must have rewritten this second attempt twenty separate times, so the words are looking blurry to me at this point. I attempted to remove confusing bits from the original, add in details that drive the plot forward, and show Lucas’s motivation more clearly.
The first 300 words of the manuscript are now also included below the query.
Any comments are welcome and thank you to everyone in advance!
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Dear Agent,
I am seeking representation for my debut novel, TIME SLIP (120,000 words), a standalone epic fantasy with series potential.
The scent of saltwater and charred wood still stings his nostrils as Lucas Caine suddenly finds himself back in his office. Heart racing, he tells himself it was just another daydream. As a thirty-year-old artist, a vivid imagination is part of the job. Yet as he stares at the bloodied splinter lodged in his wrist, Lucas realizes the explosion was real… and he was the cause of it.
Lucas had crossed into the hidden realm of Vaellora. The existence of their entire kingdom is built upon the time they steal from daydreams. The explosion reduced Vaellora’s coastal province to ash, causing the seal around their world to fracture. Flux, the raw essence of time, now endangers both worlds.
Every moment Lucas spends in Vaellora is another moment that his fiancée, Tina, believes he abandoned her. Though leaving her destroyed him, Flux doesn’t care whom it destroys. If Lucas had stayed, he and Tina would have been living on borrowed time.
Flux births a rage-inducing sickness that corrupts the capital, causing refugees from the battered coast to be met with violent attacks from angered locals. Choking on guilt, Lucas assumes the identity of a refugee and infiltrates the capital’s guild network in search of a means to stop the leak.
Lucas finds that deep within Flux, lies the power of creation. It can only be harnessed by an artist that is willing to sacrifice their life, so that their creation can live. To create upon this ethereal canvas, Lucas must use his own life energy as the paint.
Yet fixing the leak means shutting the seal, closing off his path home to Tina. Leaving Lucas alone in a world he helped break.
Readers searching to explore a vivid secondary world built upon the power of others like in The Will of the Many by James Islington, and the sobering cost to sustain that reality found in Blood Over Bright Haven by M.L. Wang, will find a home within TIME SLIP.
Just like Lucas, I have spent much of my life lost in creative thought. It only seems fitting that the idea for Vaellora was born from a stray daydream. It turns out that I had been visiting the place for years. I just never knew its name.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
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First 300 Words Below:
A rogue wave barreled into him, nearly dragging Lucas into the sea. He hacked up a mouthful of water as he rolled over onto his side, staring in utter confusion into the dark abyss below. An idle breeze danced across his damp skin, causing a chill to rattle up his spine. This, Lucas found odd, since the sun burned with a harsh intensity in the sky above. Every muscle was clenched as he carefully planted his feet and stood upon the decrepit wood. Lucas winced as another wave crashed near his feet causing the entire dock to sway.
Water spanned in all directions except for the small sliver of beach far out in the horizon. Curiosity clawed at the back of his mind. The facts of the situation were murky at best. He racked his brain and returned with nothing. No memories, no clues, and most importantly no recollection of how he got here. There was one thing, however, of which he was absolutely certain… he was in the middle of nowhere.
A strange feeling hung over him. Thick like fog. Yet something deep within screamed it was out of place. Something didn’t belong here, and Lucas was beginning to think that maybe that something was him.
Stretching out over an almost impossible distance was the aged dock he stood upon. Barely wide enough for one person, the thin wooden platform sat miles into the sea. Each plank rattled, causing his legs to nervously buckle just to maintain his balance. Normally, plummeting into an unknown sea would take a front seat in Lucas’s list of fears, however that thought was currently overshadowed by what was jutting out of the water. A stone formation of some kind. It appeared as ancient as it was ominous, and it seemed to be staring down directly at him.