Friend gets upset and makes me feel bad when I say no to plans
This has been an ongoing problem in our 14 yrs of friendship (we’re both 20). Anytime I say no and that I don’t want to do something she’ll get upset and make me feel like a bad friend. Most recently she planned this 2 week trip involving camping and roadtripping starting next week without informing me until today when she has already planned it out. When she told me of this I was immediately unsure because a) I’m a bit of a homebody and these are activities she enjoys but I’m not the biggest fan of and she’s aware of this and b) I have obligations to other friends and my partner in the coming weeks. Upon expressing my uncertainty she immediately became upset with me and told me I wasn’t allowed to say no and began guilt tripping me (she even admitted to this)and told me I couldn’t flake on her (I wasn’t aware you could flake on plans you never agreed to??). Not wanting to argue I told her I would see about it and let her know. This somewhat pacified her but then she told me that I spend every week with my partner and never give any time for her. I am long distance with both of them, her living 8 hours from me and my partner 3 hours. For the most part I only see my partner on the weekends and her every month to every few months as it’s more expensive and time consuming to go to her and she rarely comes to visit me. But I always try my best to answer all of her calls and texts and even send her little “vlog” updates of what’s going on in my life when we are unable to call. I’m just feeling a little stuck and maybe not as understood as I thought because she planned a two week trip full of stuff she likes and I don’t and then is upset when I’m unsure about going. I almost feel like she sees me as an extension of her, like I should be into everything she is and be able to drop everything to do what she wants. But maybe I’m not as good of a friend as I thought. Please let me know any thoughts or advice on this and if I am in the wrong.
TLDR: best friend of 14 yrs gets upset and makes me feel like a bad friend when I say no to plans she makes without informing me of knowing I don’t enjoy the activities she planned.