I currently work for a Fortune 500 company as a consultant. I’ve been in my role for 5 years, and by all accounts have excelled. My manager has explicitly told me I’m the best consultant on the team. I have two bachelor’a degrees (one in finance, one in psychology), an MBA, my PMP certification, and Lean Six-Sigma Yellow Belt certification (working toward green and then black).
My experience at this company has been up and down to say the least:
• When I first started, I was told by a coworker (not in my department) that I was basically just their assistant (not true).
• I’ve had customers curse me out on calls in front of others, and when I brought up the inappropriateness of that I was told to “get a thicker skin.”
• I’ve dealt with a director (not in my department) say things such as I’m bad at my job to other people in the company within ear shot of me because I refused to do his employee’s work for them and be on call 24/7.
• I’ve dealt with other co-workers tell me to “stop talking and take a breath” on calls while I was presenting.
• Last year they laid off half the team via zoom. We all joined a call and they said “if you have another meeting scheduled after this one it means you’ve been laid off.” When I brought up how unethical that was I was told maybe I “wasn’t cut out for corporate.”
• We are somehow responsible at least in some capacity for every other departments KPIs and metrics, as we’re supposed to “influence them” (aka babysit other internal teams without any type of supervisor title or financial benefit)
• Other internal teams aren’t held accountable, and we are made to clean up/fix the mess they leave behind.
• Our yearly “raises” don’t even top 2%, and that’s if you’re lucky (it’s typically about 0.5-1%).
• My department gets no commission, no bonuses, no stock options.
• Our LSW changes constantly, so it’s difficult to get a grasp on your core responsibilities.
I could truly go on and on.
A lot of my work involves projects, and I genuinely enjoy working on projects. I know how hard my team works and I love leading projects that make their lives easier. I’ve led several projects in my role, and have a portfolio of such. Some have been more locally concentrated to my accounts, while others have been rolled out to the entire national team I’m on.
Recently, I applied for 1 of the 4 new program manager positions and I was told I didn’t have enough project experience. In the interview, I was asked if I had worked on any projects that were rolled out nationwide, and I remarked that I had and gave the example. The feedback I got as to why I wasn’t selected is because I haven’t had enough project experience nationwide. Okay, fine, sure.
Imagine my surprise when one of the people who did get the job, told me verbatim that they had never done a national project and told the interview panel that. I was the only person who applied to have earned their PMP. I was confused to say the least.
What makes it sting even more, is I have volunteered for countless committees, completed executive leadership training programs, and am seen as a leader on my team.
I think I finally realized this company is gaslighting me (for lack of a better word) and nothing I do will ever be enough.
This job has wrecked my confidence, made me wonder if I’m even remotely good at what I do, and my self-esteem has plummeted. I firmly believe we always have room to grow and improve, but this job has made me question my own abilities, because if I actually did a good job like they said, wouldn’t I be reaping some benefit?
I’m on another committee currently where we’re writing SOPs (because we had none) and I want to leave. I want to quiet quit until I find a new position at a new company, but again, this company has made me lose trust in myself so I’m always thinking in the back of my head, “Is it me? Am I the problem? Do I just not have it?”
What do you think? I know corporate isn’t always amazing, but there has to be something better than this, right?