Hi, this is probably going to be a bit lengthy but I don’t have anyone I can talk to and my heart is really heavy.
The past few weeks I’ve been in a really depressed state, so I distanced myself a little bit from my friends and my boyfriend. I thought I was hiding it well enough but apparently not and one small crash out led to me losing my best friends and my boyfriend, which I considered my chosen family since other than my parents I don’t have anyone I’m really close with (only child haha).
Anyways, it kinda all began when I had to break up with my boyfriend on a random day, not because I don’t love him or because of anything like that, but because I have an incredibly strict father and come from a community where dating is shamed upon, especially someone outside of the culture. And by the way, my friends know this and understand because I’ve told them many times before and they come from similar backgrounds so I thought they might’ve understood. They never asked me if I was okay or not and they just brushed it off and ignored it, saying that if we stay friends it won’t affect the friend group.
For the day or two after the breakup, I was in a sour mood and my words probably sounded so bitter but I was just hurting and I didn’t think cared considering they started ignoring me and barely talked to me for the next few days. I was getting really stressed out and I remembered I still had the login from my boyfriend account and decided to see what happened because desperate times, right?
Turns out they made another group chat without me, my best friend being the one who made it and adding everyone including my boyfriend but except me. They spent the last few days talking in there and it hurt so badly to read their chats and seeing them prefer his company over mine. My best friend and my other friend who I’m not that close to anymore had also added him to a separate group so they could go out together, to drink and hangout in the city.
Am I a loser for being hurt by that and confront them? I kinda ignored that and pretend like it didn’t happen for a bit and I decided to maybe make things right with my boyfriend. I thought maybe I could salvage the relationship and risk what would happen if anyone found out because I honestly didn’t care anymore. I just hated how I felt without him. But turns out he was resenting me because of the way I had been acting and he said he “tried his best” and that I was free and it was over. Lol. He then turned off his location and went to the city with my best friend and other friend for hours. Best friend #2 also has been ignoring me for days and every time I try to resolve our friendship she’d leave me on delivered for hours which is weird considering she’s always on her phone so!!
After that I tried to explain my side of things but they all just treated me like the villain and best friend #2 kept asking why I was being mean to her when I literally explained to her that she I don’t resent her or feel any bitterness towards her at all. After an argument, my best friend cut me off and said she can’t be friends with me anymore because she doesn’t want to go through that again, and best friend 2 and her sister don’t talk to me anymore.
The only message I got from them was saying they don’t want to do this over text and they’ll call me later this week and that I should be mature. ?? So yeah I don’t really know what to do. Should I leave it there and move on even though we were friends for years and they’re choosing to unfriend me but remain friends with my ex boyfriend who they knew for less than 3 months, and disliked at the beginning and told me to break up with multiple times? I don’t know what to do, some advice would be gratefully appreciated, thank you!