I don't believe my freewill was ever subjugated. I think I made and communicated a decision on which path I chose with the guileless trust of a child. I don't think they liked my choice, but similarly don't believe they hindered me. I think they warned me. I think they warned me that I had chosen a very difficult and maybe even impossible course, a path upon which they could not help me, an endeavor wherein success could not be guaranteed. I remember a trusted voice asking why I would desire such a lifelong struggle full of lonliness, adversity, hardship, and likely failure. I remember responding by asking what could be a more worthy effort.
I remember no particulars of my goal or who the trusted advisor was, just that they were empathetic and seemed genuinely concerned by my choice.
In the Castaneda novels, Don Juan Matus assigned Carlos the final task of remembering the things he had learned in the states of heightened awareness he had subjected him to. Maybe that applies to us as well.