u/ForkyWasNeverTrash

Currently into a big knock down drag out with my 13yo daughter. She beat her 11yo brother for flipping her off. Like, beat his ass.

So I took away her phone. Not his. Because we consider physical violence to be the ultimate Thing We Don't Do. Flipping someone off is not allowed for the kids. If I had seen it, I'd have gotten onto him. But I didn't see him, and my daughter has been caught in several recent lies. All I saw was her coming out of nowhere and wailing on him. Of course she's getting a consequence! She can't just beat up littler kids whenever they piss her off.

She will get.the phone back as soon as her attitude improves. She isn't grounded long term.

But she threw everything we've given her into the hallway and screamed for us to k*ll her. She threatened awful things.

She is in therapy. She is receiving support for her problems. We of course would never want her to not have love and support. But omg she's being horrendous and I'm at my breaking point. She really just thinks she should be allowed to assault anyone who annoys her. This isn't how me and her other parent behave. This is not the example that's been set for her. But she's straight up MAD that she's in trouble for hurting him.

My 13yo put a kitchen knife in their 14yo sibling's backpack. 14 got caught with it, but after investigation it was discovered 13 planted it so they both got expelled and 13 got arrested.

They have a 20yo older sibling who has been evicted from our home by a judge since 17, and estranged ever since, with incarceration.

I just feel like I have to be doing something so very wrong. I do all the things the multiple professionals we've involved over the years suggest. I read and research and apply the knowledge. I communicate with love and respect, I set boundaries and enforce them, I model safe problem solving by working out conflicts with their other parent in calm respectful ways.

I'm not claiming to be perfect - I have lost my shit over the years and yelled at them.

But it's rare and I've apologized and gone to therapy and done the work. I tried to even use my mistakes as examples for them so they can see that people aren't perfect but it's important to always be accountable and do our best.

They're all in therapy before anyone suggests it. I'm at my wit's end and so is my spouse. This shit SUCKS and I just want them to see that they are mostly hurting themselves so they can stop in time to have a good future.