Hi ! I am a 24 yr old female and my mom is 50. I am from a Hispanic background (puerto rican) but grew up speaking English in the household.
I’m not sure what to do with my relationship with my mom because I just feel so conflicted going back and forth. I grew up with divorced parents (divorced in 2007 so I was 5 years old) and my mom had full custody of me and my sister (her and I are 6 years apart. She is older so she was 11 years old when my parents divorced). My sister and I would see my dad 2 weekends a month. So we pretty much grew up with a single mother and I know that raising kids on your own can be extremely challenging. My mom met someone along the way (female) and they were together for about 8 years. During those 8 years were verbal, physical, and mental abuse. Mental abuse more than anything. I was called names like “wh0re” or “slu+” at the age of 10 by my mom’s partner and she did nothing about it. There is so much to explain but that’s like the gist of it. Then, they broke up when I was in middle school (7th grade so I was about 13) and I feel like it just got worse from there. My mom started dating men left and right like she was changing underwear. Every time she met someone new she always said that “he feels like the one for me” and I would just roll my eyes and let her speak anyway. My older sister was old enough to move out so I was left alone to deal with my mom and her stupid decisions about men. She would date a guy for a week and he would be already in the house with us and they would just sleep together while I was there. I met every single man she was with and I hated when they tried to play “step daddy” with me. Her relationships wouldn’t even last 3 months. Even though she put me through this, I thought it was normal and so I considered my mom as my best friend. I had no one else. She would always put these men first before me and I was just left alone all the time. I got no attention at home and my relationship with my dad was extremely sour at the time because my mom thought it was ok to brainwash me into thinking my dad was a HORRIBLE PERSON. It was until I was 16 (2018) when I realized that I had my own mind and can think for myself. She would call him names like “he was just a donor”. All of my childhood life I disliked my dad. By the time I was 16, he was married to someone else who had a child and he moved 2 hours away from my mom’s house. It went from 2 weekends a month to seeing him only for a day or 2 every 3 to 4 months at a time. I was so lonely growing up and I was always depressed. So every time someone gave me attention (like a boy at school who liked me or something) I would just try to soak it all up for as long as I could. I didn’t know it back then but that is very sad.
Fast forward to 2023, my mom was still single and trying to find her person. I moved out back in 2020 because she was encouraging me to move out on my own with my boyfriend that I had only known for less than a year. I didn’t know any better so I did what she said. By the way, we are still together till this day. Him and I are engaged. I love him so much. Because of him, I realized my worth in my relationship with my mom and realized how toxic it is. Anyways, so in 2023 I was finishing up cosmetology school and I was 21 at the time. Im realizing that the only way my mom and I get into contact with each other is when I text or call her first. So I decided not to reach out first. 3 weeks later is when she realizes I haven’t reached out to her. Instead of texting me like a concerned mom saying “hey I haven’t heard from you, are you ok?” She just says “are you alive 💀”. This was when I realized that I was never a priority to her. I got so disappointed and very sad. I tried to have a sit down conversation with her but all she did was cry. Why,? You make me feel like shit and when I try to tell you why, you try to make me feel bad by crying? She didn’t listen to anything I had to say because she just kept doing the same thing after that conversation.
Fast forward to November of 2025, I ended up having to plan for her birthday because my sister failed to do what she had promised (she is like my mom so I can’t even talk to her about my situation because she doesn’t care). That was the day I realized that I am done extending my hand to people who just wipe their ass with it. I didn’t texted my mom again after that day. I invited her to thanksgiving at my apartment but she knew my dad and her ex best friend (she’s a long time friend so I see her as my aunt) would be there. She called me a week before thanksgiving drunk, and saying how she thinks that she won’t attend because of who’s invited. All I said was “ok”. That response just made her lose it. Like, why are you upset that I just said ok? This is MY HOUSE! I can invite whoever I want !!!!! She was sobbing crying and asking me why I never involve her in my life anymore and why I never talk to her. She ended up showing up to the thanksgiving dinner but we barely spoke because I was hosting. She left early as well and we really haven’t spoken since.
Recently (like 2 weeks ago) she has called me drunk, and has drunk texted me several times about the same thing. Why I never talk to her. My mom has always had a drinking problem (I would consider her as a functioning alcoholic) but I thought it was normal. As I am basically detaching from her, I realize how bad it is. Also, she has been with someone now I want to say a little over a year now. However, they’re moving into a house together and before considering living with each other she has never went to his place before to see where or how he lives. My mom lives in an apartment right now and she just kinda let him move in. And now they’re getting a house together. Like you barely know this man. Based off of what I’ve seen, it’s all about her and how she feels. It’s never about the 2 of them. Only her.
By the way, I am still trying to build my relationship with my dad to this day. I let him in my heart and he is not a bad person. He has been supportive since day 1 I just never realized because I was so blindsided. I would also like to mention because I just found this out a couple weeks ago from my grandma (my dads mom) that when my parents got divorced, my dad was so broke from paying child support that my grandma had to sacrifice her social security checks in order for my dad to be able to pay the child support on time every month. He could’ve went to jail if not paid on time. And my mom had no remorse for him either. He would get on his knees and beg for my mom to hand me and my sister over to him so that he could try to provide a better life for us because he knew what was going on and she would still tell him no. Like I don’t understand why. She talks about us like we were such an inconvenience to her life. She might as well have just given us up from the beginning.
There is so much more that she has done I just can’t fit it all.
So, AITA?