u/FookenAvocados28

Okay, so my freshman year of high school I had a crush on this guy. He would always say things like, “I’m Joe Goldberg” and “I’m literally Joe.” It was his thing, and he told me to watch the show. We eventually got together, and as I was watching it, I became obsessed with it. I started thinking that if I was more like Joe, maybe he would like me more since it was his whole thing. So I became obsessed with trying to be like Joe. I memorized every conversation, every fun fact, and every interest he ever had.

He broke up with me after a little while, and I started obsessively focusing on him. I would walk around school every day trying to figure out what period he had and what classes he was in, and I would go into those rooms, accidentally bump into him, walked by windows where he would have clear view of me and see it as a sign, or show up places I knew he would be. I would say things and play songs sending subliminal messages to make him think and just act in ways I now look back at that were very unhealthy and creepy and intense.

Then it would happen again where I would find someone new and become completely infatuated with them, to the point where it became embarrassing to admit. I genuinely started to feel like I was “Joe Goldberg.” I even began keeping boxes of things, wrapped items, trash, pens, anything I felt connected to.

This has been going on for about four years. During my junior year, I moved states away, and then later moved back to the same state as my ex because I couldn’t let go of them.

I don’t know if anyone else relates, but sometimes when I say “I’m Joe,” it doesn’t feel like a joke. It feels real in a way that’s hard to explain. If someone looks at me or turns my way, I automatically assume it means something deeper. If someone smiles for a second too long, I start thinking it’s a sign. I’ve even started having a constant inner monologue about it, and it’s been really overwhelming and confusing. I’m not sure if I’m just overthinking things or if something else is going on, but it feels intense.