How growing up and depressed made me no longer enjoy EVA.
TL;DR I think I am too depressed to be watching this for a third time
I am writing this after rewatching Neon Genesis Evangelion for a third time in a good number of years, and it has been a long, painful experience for all the wrong reasons.
To give context, I first watched Evangelion when I was 16 in Italian, and I was blown away by the animation, action and themes which made me foolishly believe how I am automatically far more mature and wise by thinking that I understood what was even happening, when in reality I wasn't. The second time came six years after, now as a college student. This time, I watched it in japanese and I was once again pleased by what I watched. In particular, I have grown to appreciate the last two episodes, as jarring as they are when compared to the rest of the series. However, this year (two years after my first rewatch) I had a chance to watch this series again, now with a friend who was just getting into the series. Unfortunately, my life has not been pleasant lately, and it's affected my enjoyment in EVA a lot.
Quick venting alert if you don't care about personal details
>!I will be honest, I am not the happiest person in the world, and the past year has been a nightmare for me. First of all, five of my relatives died in a really quick succession throughout summer, and it fucked me up. Every third week, I was attending funerals, reading obituaries and I am sick and tired of having to listen to Ave Maria. Second of all, I got really sick with the flu in October and it really hit me mentally because I was stuck in bed, missing my classes, and genuinely feeling worthless because of it, even though it's something out of my control, and I have been struggling with what should have been my final undergraduate year. I have genuinely never felt this miserable and this doubtful about myself, and I feel like I am only disappointing myself and proving some people, my parents included, right that I really will amount to nothing. !<
It's been hard to get out of bed at times, but I have no other choice, and taking the easy way out is something I refuse to do, because I am too stubborn to give up.
Maybe it's those factors that played a role in how much I absolutely hated watching this series this time. Nothing was clicking with me. Characters that I first liked like Misato or Asuka for example devolved to me into background noise and I barely had energy to care about their development, and the only character that I still DID enjoy was Shinji.
It's easy to get into the cycle of hating Shinji when it's normal to expect the Mecha protagonist to be a gallant hero, but Shinji works for me the same way Amuro does in 0079 Gundam, and if anything, his finale in those last two episodes were really satisfying to watch. THOSE two episodes were the highlights for me, while everything else just felt more and more like a blur, because for once I could relate to Shinji to a good extent and that it really is okay for me to be here and not disappear, as much as I sometimes wish for exactly that.
Then came the End of Evangelion. The first time I watched it, I had no idea what was going on and I only remember bawling my eyes out when Asuka was mutilated by the EVA series. The second time, I was frustrated at myself for still not understanding it and spent hours online looking for answers, thinking that will help me find enjoyment in it. Unfortunately, third time was not the charm. Actually, it was a total blowout. I am sorry to say, but the entire movie made me physically sick, what with the bright flashes, the imagery and the entire quasi-intellectual, philosophical bullshittery being spouted which to me packs zero meaning and by the end, I felt apathy and disappointment for everything that had happened.
Sure, I am glad that my friend enjoyed the show, and I think they're going to be a fan for years to come. I, on the other hand, think that I will be stepping away from Evangelion. Whatever value I saw in it has almost entirely disappeared, and I honestly don't want to watch it again, not for a long time. What was one of my favourite shows has thus lost its meaning to me, whereas some counterparts like the original Gundam trilogy or Space Runaway Ideon have only gained value in my eyes. In my years of watching anime, it's the first time I have experienced such a 180 of sorts, and I am sorry to say that.
Perhaps in the end, I simply was not in the mood to watch this show again, but I am nevertheless sorry if I offended anyone reading this, but I REALLY wanted to get this out of my system. I am willing to discuss this show some more and to hold a normal conversation. Please no animosity.
Thank you for reading this, if you have. Congratulations.