Just doing this, because why not? Aaj maine achanak se socha ki mere nda me number kitne aaye the, because answer key se maine pura nh match kiya tha, jab 300 plus hogaye the tab chor diya tha. Toh aaj dekha kitne number aaye. Maybe this post will not be well received and people will rightly point out my mistakes/delusions. In that case just treat this as a rant/ flashback/different perspective.
I gave NDA 2 2025 as a 12th appearing student and got screened out on 1st day of ssb. I want mainly two questions answered- 1) I got screened out of day 1 itself on ssb Allahabad 7 jan 2026. So what does this 166 signify then under ssb marks. 2) Considering my written marks, 376, where do i stand in the pack. Like what would be my AIR around. And out of how many candidates?? Now the NDA experience- I was initially very enthusiastic about NDA and the army as I was quite interested in military history in my general interest of history. Enthusiasm was at peak of 10th, 11th, thought that can give NDA without special preparation. But about end of 11th, I started having doubts. First of all I started feeling guilty about the glory culture that I associated with warfare in general, realized that my chances of becoming Einstein are more than becoming Napoleon. Sort of realized that the obedience and sacrifice demanded is often thankless, unimportant, futile in the existential absurdist philosophical point of view.
It would feel very good to be in command of 40 men at the age of 21 but what after?? Sitting in a bunker or going on a patrol or on a desk office for what would be a essentially your whole life(especially to a 16 yr old who can't imagine life after 30, you at 25 are already old).
Not really a pathway for ambitious boys. Now this was not an experience wholly limited to the army path. For me all career paths and life in general seemed to pose this problem. BUT, BUT, in the army I imagined that I would be tied down. At least in other career pathways I could drop everything and run away if i wanted to. I also developed a rebellious attitude towards or obeying bureaucracy and societal systems. I wanted to be as free and independent as I could. But I still had a somewhat wet dream of joining the army. I was also preparing for JEE since 11th, not very seriously, quite an up and down experience. So anyway my preparation for NDA was just giving a mock the day before, revising my maths notes, somewhat physics notes. I was very confident in english( because of my reading hobby and media exposure). Got like 190ish in actual NDA paper. So, yeah I did clear NDA written. And then got called up for SSB.
And now the SSB experience-
I was initially advised to join an ssb coaching but I declined on the excuse of studying for JEE(even though I wasn't). Actually mere papa ke senior ek retd colonel the aur unhone bola tha ki bina coaching ke nhi hoga, unhon coaching bhi suggest ki thi.
My view on these SSB coachings was quite negative. I believed them to be a stratifying body aimed at developing rote methods, rigidity and quite absurd notions of what the army was. My plan for SSB was just to show up, stay true to myself in what I believed my ideal version to be. In a way I was also accepting that rather than trying hard to mould myself to the army's specifications, I was presenting myself to the army and letting them decide whether they wanted me or not. My ideal version that I imagined is interesting. It was basically a calm philosopher soldier that I was trying to emulate; what I believed and even now believe to be what I want to become. Now on the SSB day 1 itself. I suppose I did alright on the OIR. Maybe 40-45 questions must have been correct out of 50 in both sets. But here I grew a little bitter towards the process. I knew beforehand that coachings do train candidates on OIR sets and I had also heard that sometimes these OIR sets come as exactly practiced. But in the testing hall I was honestly surprised. Not only was everyone around me speculating around which OIR set would come, the OIR sets themselves ( already marked with answers, clearly not a new set but instead several years old, 2019 or something like that I think). The scale of this made me feel as if I was being cheated. and then I began to doubt myself. Everyone around me seemed a coaching lackey (for lack of a better word) and I suddenly had doubts that 40-45 correct is just not going to cut it. Next came the PPDT. The picture was of a young man on the ground, another man standing as if beating him, and a crowd that surrounded them watching. Now I wrote my story- the man being bullied by another man, negative of course although of course i had heard that you should try to write positive stories. But what else was I to write. Now I believe myself to be a competent writer but of course SSB is not looking at your writing ability. So I did simplify my prose. Other than that I wrote about the crowd, the situation, how the crowd seems to be hesitating in helping, until someone steps forward and then everyone gets encouraged. More into the mindsets of all the people involved in the scene, the bully and the bullied person etc etc. Was somewhat relieved at my performance. Next came group discussion. Before it everyone in my group was discussing about how to not let it become a fishmarket and instead converse in a proper manner and let everyone speak. I was slightly confident for this. I thought that here perhaps my english fluency can give me an advantage combined with my analytical and psychological reasoning. tried to calm myself more rather than come up with points ( did decide on a few points though). I thought it best to let the discussion naturally develop and there give my points(where I would be most at my best, natural thought process and debate). Did have somewhat experience in this by talking to friends, group projects in school, so I grew calm and confident. Anecdote here- the person behind me in line(lets name him AB) was rote murmuring a speech. At first I grew a little scared but then i grew disdainful. AB seemed unprepared to me, a rote learner, who wouldn't be able to come up with points in the discussion. My disdain was further strengthened by the fact that while AB's english was not entirely bad, it was clearly not natural rhythmic speech and was quite obviously rote memorised. I was a little surprised though as to how did he come up with a speech so quickly when I was clearly not appreciating his english and speaking skills. Thought that maybe coaching here too has played a part, given him a ready to speak speech. Anyways the group discussion now. First individual narration. I was fourth in line. But I was completely thrown of my feet just as the first guy started to speak. Perfect format. Short simple line. It seemed completely rehearsed. The story was positive. Then the second guy came, same format, same rehearsed voice. I scrambled to alter my speech. Initially I had decided to sort of wing it, start with a something like a standard story starting line (much like my PPDT written story). But then I was there. Did ape their format a bit. My name is this. My story name is this. My characters are this, heir gender whatwath. My stoy's mood. my story is positive negative etc etc. In my story this , this, this happens. My narration was shit, I know that. Very very bad. I stumbled once, my voice was not as loud as with the case of all the others. I did not speak for the entire minute.
BANG! I f'd it up! No matter! No matter! There's still the group discussion left. Can salvage that. Must salvage that! Must salvage that!
Beside me AB gave his speech. No cadence, no natural rhythm, could completely tell its rote memorised. But not a single break in bteween, in fact, he wasnt even taking breaks btw his words. It felt like someone rapping except that it sounded so ugly and artificial. The line moved on. Lots of people, but same thing repeating itself. Only one guy, who was pretty rich and had gone on foreign tours was somewhat eloquent and rhythmic. But even his story seemed to be rote memorised to me. Only me and 2nd guy to give speech gave negative stories.
I realised two things then. First the picture in PPDT doesn't matter. All candidates already come with a rough rote memorised story and speech and only slightly alter the details to fit the picture. The stories that I heard, of nukkad nataks, blood drives etc etc, were so obviously rote memorised!!!
Secondly the story must be positive, action based, with a problem resolving conclusion that leaves everyone happy. There a clear format of how to do things and coachings have drilled that into candidates and the SSb assessor seemed to have no problem.
Then the group discussion. Instant fish market. No one even bothered to discuss. all 13 guys except me shouting their rote memorised speeches at top volume, dramatically looking from side to side. I initially spoke a few times with another guy to lets calm down and give everyone a chance. I doubt anyone even heard me, least of all the assessors.
Then I watched around for a minute. Then the assessors split the group. In there sort of tried to shout but my mind was simply not into it. I felt very pissed of and at the same time quite demotivated. That's it.
Got screened out. The fluent guy and AB got in.
I would have picked the fluent guy but I was pissed of for picking the AB guy. Not to be a snob or anything but his personality was somewhat repulsive to me. I shouldn't really say this as apart from the GD the guy was actually quite quiet and sombre in nature, the sort of personality I like. So this is the rant. I know a lot of things were my mistakes. Popping up and expecting to wing it my first MY UTTER IGNORANCE THE SECOND AND RIGHTLY THE MORE DEVASTATING MISTAKE . But my reasoning was, I either have the personality or I don't. I consider myself to be very mature and so I can hold a conversation with the interviewers. Physically also I am in very good condition. EDIT- I know the logic behind why things are how as they are. jaise ki working in pressure, not letting yourself being dominated, having clear cut direct conversation. I know ki woh fishmarket woh log kyu allow karte hai as wo candidate ka usme reaction check karna chahte hai. Baaki flaws rest of 4 days me check kar lenge. Still I feel usme improvement ho skta hai, just my two cents worth thoughts.
In the end it was sort of a realisation that what I thought the army to be, is not quite the truth. My perspective towards how an officer should conduct himself and behave himself is different from reality and maybe rooted a bit in fantasy noble warrior princes.
Thats it. I discovered myself a bit. Ofcourse though abhi tak there is a bad taste in my mouth but ab kya kare. Tough to accept your mistakes and easier to just label everyone else as unaccommodating.
JIsne bhi itna padha pata nhi aapko sabashi du yaa daaton ki itna free time kaise hai aapke paas. (Mere paas to ofcourse hai itna free time ye sab likhne ke liye).
BYE!