I’m in a really complicated spot and need some honest advice. I (20F) have been seeing a guy (24M) for a few months. Everything was perfect, but two days ago he called me crying to disclose that he is HSV2 positive.
The catch: We had already had sex three times before he told me.
He admitted that he didn’t tell me sooner because he was terrified I wouldn't like him or want to be with him anymore. Now that the truth is out, he’s spiraling. He’s telling me he’s a "bad person," that I "deserve better," and he’s trying to break up with me to "protect" me from himself and the virus. He’s also saying he doesn't think he can ever be physical again because the guilt and fear of transmission are eating him alive.
I’ve done my research and I’ve already gone to get tested. Surprisingly, I’m not angry about the delayed disclosure—I understand the fear, and I still really want to be with him. But he is pushing me away so hard right now. We are meeting tomorrow (Thursday) to "talk," which feels like a looming breakup.
My questions:
- How do I address the fact that he broke my trust without making his shame worse?
- Is his desire to break up a genuine "noble" sacrifice, or is he just running away because he can't face what he did?
- For those who disclosed late, how did you move past the guilt to have a healthy relationship?
I want to make this work, but I don't know how to reach him when he's this deep in a shame hole.