This is my 3rd attempt at a query letter. Took everyone's advice on focusing more on the characters agency and removing my 3rd pov from the query. I know there was at least one comment that suggested I cut down to one character,r but the two main characters' lives being intertwined is kind of the main focus of the story. Hopefully this is better.
Still working on my cuts to get the word count down. Went from 157k-145k-137k-135k.
Still open on my comps. Last time I went with emperor blades + Black Sun. I'm swapping sun out for Jasmine throne. I have been considering Raven scholar and Tainted cup but with Raven the tone feels a little off and with Tainted I know it's a first person detective story which feels like a reach.
Any help would be appreciated!
Thanks!
Dear [agent name],
The Eyes of Destiny is an epic High Fantasy complete at 135,000 words. It is the first book in a planned series that will appeal to readers of Brian Staveley's The Emperor's Blades and Tasha Suri's The Jasmine Throne — combining the multi-POV conspiracy born from a royal assassination with the eerie, dream-laced dread of ancient secrets pressing through into the present.
Prince Kaerian once dreamed of his family's death, but he forgot—remembering only when it was too late. The royal family is mysteriously massacred during a celebration of the realm’s peace, and now Kaerian, the last of his family’s line, is haunted by dreams of a girl.
Amerie has never seen the world with open eyes, only ever experiencing it through her vivid dreams. That changes the night the royal family dies. With her eyes now open, she witnesses a man in a silver mask attack her home. As the sole survivor she flees to the safety of a kingdom now ruled by a prince who dreams of her.
With his family's deaths unexplained, Kaerian must choose between entrusting the vengeance he desires to his parents' advisors or by following the path his dreams seem to be showing him—a dangerous shift for someone who once avoided his responsibilities altogether.
Amerie, thrust into a kingdom's tragic mystery, must navigate a foreign world of politics and schemes to get closer to the truth behind the attack on her home, believing it to be the only path left after losing everything.
In secret from their prince, the realms lords believe they already know who is responsible: An Avowed, individuals said to bend destiny to their will. The kingdom has faced their power before and fearing their return; the lords begin a ruthless open hunt for any who might possess it.
As their intertwined dreams lead them to each other, Kaerian and Amerie begin to believe they may have survived for a reason and only together can they uncover it. Following that belief they uncover a horrifying possibility:
They may be what the kingdom is hunting. For the Avoweds ability to shape destiny begins in their dreams.
Boring bio…