u/FluffyApartment32

As of right now, I can't afford lessons so I'm pretty much stuck with self-teaching, and will be so for the foreseable future. How to make the most out of it?

Right now I'm using Alfred's Adult All-In-One Level 1 as my method book. As for video resources, I like Josh Wright's, Kate Boyd's, Let's Play Piano Methods' and Sehun Kim's channels. And as for general technique, I'm trying to get things from Gyorgi Sandor's "On Piano Playing".

My practice routine ranges from 1hr-2h30min on most days. I start warming-up and doing scales for a few minutes, then I work on the pieces from Alfred's.

Usually it goes like this: getting a feel for the notes without metronome, then 60BPM, 70, etc. until final tempo. Do this for hands separate, then together. I also try to split this whole process across different days because sleeping helps a lot. Because of that, I tend to be working on multiple pieces a day, going at them bit by bit.

I record on my keyboard and listen, but also record on my phone and watch back.

And that's what I've come up with so far. The process feels very frustrating a lot of the time because I'm always trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong (and it's hard not to be a bit too self-critical in the process). I've been really wanting to give up lately, to be honest.

And I *really* wish I had a good teacher, but *sigh*, nothing I can do about that right now.

So I feel like my life is at a standstill and I also feel paralyzed. I graduated last year, while also working full-time remotely, so I moved back to my hometown. At the time, it made a lot of sense. Objectively speaking my quality of life improved a lot because everything is more affordable, I live in a bigger and quieter place, and I was able to easily save more money every month.

Emotionally and socially? Not so well. I don't fit in here, don't share values with anyone else, I have no friends and just hang out with family. But again, it made sense at the time and, overall, the pros outweighted the cons (including some of which I won't get into here).

However, I got laid off in January and one of my biggest pros were gone. In my country (not the US), you automatically gain severance and I was eligible for unemployment. That money still hasn't run out. Plus, I was lucky and had built up an emergency reserve so I have another year of savings to help me. In that sense, I'm safe.

Still, the market has changed, and getting a remote job, especially as a junior, has been nigh impossible, even more so getting a decent one. My options are limited and I feel the need to move. Here in my country, most of the good jobs are in the biggest metro city and the move seems like a no-brainer to me. Getting interviews isn't as hard either, as I got two in a week after nearly 3 months without none. Obviously, I would not go without having been hired already.

Deep down, I know that I'm very unhappy where I live. The fact that my career - and my life - is stagnated is extremely depressing to me. I haven't felt this down in years. I miss being young and feeling like I was taking on the world, like when I was in college. It was hard as fuck, but I liked it. I also missed having things to do that I like, having people I could express myself with and generally just living life, despite the hardships. It's safe here, but it's also unberable.

However, I'm still very scared. I don't feel confident that I'll manage (I'd be going to a different metro city from the one I attended college). I'm scared I won't find good roomates or a good place to live at (even though I did my last go around). That the commuting will be too hard. That I'll go and fail miserably.

How do I get the courage to do this? I have resources, I have time, I can plan and make a calculated move in my life. But I feel very afraid. Needless to say, nobody else thinks it's a good idea even though staying here means committing career suicide (I even had one person suggest me to find another job outside of my degree, which almost offended me after working so hard to get it).