Ok so I’ve been with my girlfriend for nearly 7 years. Things were great the first 3-4 years. Then we unexpectedly got pregnant just after hitting a rough patch and nearly breaking things off. I was scared. Didn’t know if having the child was in the best interest of the child…mentioned the A word. Of course I horribly regret that and apologized profusely in the coming years. Our child is 3 now. My GF held a lot of resentment because of those words and claims I wasn’t present during the pregnancy and the first year of our child’s life.
I did everything I could to redeem myself and work on changing the parts of me which needed changing. I became more involved, more supportive, you name it I tried it including couples counseling and pastoral counseling. The thing is we’ve been stuck is this cycle the last 3 years. It goes like this- she pushes me away (during luteal), questions the relationship, wants to end things, wants to flee when she’s overwhelmed. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, it’s never good enough. She doesn’t cuss at me or rage in the same way I’ve seen others claim their partners do, but she definitely seethes in anger as if those things I did in the past happened yesterday. She struggles to forgive me and says she’s been “imprinted” by those feeling of abandonment.
She gets her period and things seem to get better, at least typically they do. Recently she’s had longer and unpredictable cycles- the last one was 49 days long and she had a light period for 3 days (she’s been diagnosed with PCOS). It’s been pure chaos the last two months. She ended things for the Nth time three weeks ago.
While her physiatrist thinks she has bipolar II on top of potential PMDD, I definitely think she also has fearful avoidant attachment style. She says she’s never had a partner stick by her side through all of this like I have. She had an unemotionally father and even says her mother wasn’t always as responsive to her emotional needs as she would’ve liked. Currently attending therapy for all of this stuff.
Can anyone else relate to this? How the hell do you manage a cycle that is inconsistent and especially one that lasts 49 days?? I love her and love my child to death but I can’t fix this and I cannot stay when she’s choosing to sever the relationship time and time again. We don’t even live together anymore so it’s not like she can’t take space when needed- why the need to break things off when there’s still an emotional connection (says she loves me/there’s attraction). Any link between PMDD and fearful avoidant attachment style?