Beating myself up for making very obviously bad decisions that cost me all recovery process since I started treatment
I'm newly diagnosed as of early this year and had significantly improved my condition from moderate towards mild after some medication and lifestyle changes.
About a month ago, I went on a weekend trip with my parents to celebrate their birthdays. My parents rarely get to do anything like this because they're full time caregivers for my high support needs, developmentally disabled brother.
So when I came along on this special occasion, I volunteered concessions I shouldn't have and tried to just go with the flow and disrupt things as little as possible with my own disability. I lost a full night of sleep to an uncomfortable sleeping arrangement and engaged in way too much physical activity for two days in a row.
I fully expected a crash afterwards, but it's been an entire month now of me being right back to where I was before I started treatment. I'm afraid I permanently damaged myself doing things I knew full well were risky and stupid.
I'd been trying not to dwell on that possibility and just focus on taking care of myself, but the more I face down not being able to play with my emotional support cat or engage in hobbies or have a social life, the more anxious and depressed I become. Especially since it's no one's fault but mine.